Whether or not you think it’s fair, your older brother is competing with you. For example, maybe he was the one in the family who was good at soccer; maybe he was very proud of this. If you start playing soccer and do well, your brother may resent your success and feel like his own identity is being threatened. [1] X Research source Your brother might feel jealous of you, because he may feel that you’re the favorite of your parents. [2] X Research source Simply understanding these things about your brother will allow you to take a walk in his shoes and be able to talk to him more easily.
Sometimes it’s best to let the small things go. Realize that arguing over the small things can be even more exhausting than what’s actually annoying you in the first place. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Think about all the things you can expend energy on that you enjoy.
To redirect your older brother’s energy, try to focus positive attention towards him by showing interest in the things he likes to do. This tactic may backfire if your brother thinks you’re trying to “steal his thunder” by sharing in his interests. But, for example, if both you and your brother like the same video game, you may have fun playing that game together.
Think about something you want to try but haven’t yet tried with anybody. Maybe trying such an activity with your brother will make it “your thing”.
Envying other people’s sibling relationships is a waste of your energy and does nothing to improve your relationship with your brother. Keep in mind that you don’t know everything about your friend’s relationship with their older brother. It’s possible that their older brother can be just as annoying as yours. [6] X Research source
If you have a history of always reacting, ignoring him might not work the first time. He will likely be persistent, thinking that he can get a reaction out of you eventually. It will take a lot of willpower, but if you keep ignoring him for long enough, he will likely lose interest and move on to a different activity. Alternatively, ignoring your brother’s annoying behavior might cause him to “snap out of it” and start treating you kindly again.
When communicating, it’s important not to blame your brother or assign him negative motivations. For example, don’t say, “You’re happy when I’m miserable! That’s why you’re annoying me!” Rather, say something like, “I don’t like when you throw my games across the room, and I really want you to respect me and my things just like I respect yours. ” It’s important that you are calm when communicating.
If you know there are some things you do to annoy your older brother, stop first and he will likely return the favor. If your brother started the problems, you may feel that it’s not fair for you to stop first. Maybe you think because he’s older, he should be the mature one and stop the annoying behavior before you do. Rather than focusing on what is “fair,” focus on what will get you the result you want.
Going to your parents, however, should not be your first move. It’s a valuable skill to learn how to get along with your brother without your parents’ involvement.
Consider asking your parents for your own room, as this will give both you and your brother ownership of your own separate spaces and decrease the amount of time you get in each other’s way. If you have to share a bedroom with your older brother, take advantage of the common areas of your home, such as the living room or kitchen. Enjoy the control you have over private spaces such as your own dresser or your own bookshelf.
Your friends are bound to have similar experiences as you, and connecting with them will show that you’re not alone in your struggles. You may also get some fresh ideas about how to solve the problem with your brother. Do your friends also annoy you? If so, consider what it is about their behavior that may be similar to your older brother’s. Look inside yourself to see if there’s anything you might be doing to cause annoying behavior in other people.
Just because your brother is older doesn’t mean you can’t lead by example. Seeing you join an activity may increase your brother’s interest in pursuing activities of his own, leaving you both happier and more likely to get along at home.
Think of what type of person you are and what type of person you want to be. Are you a creative person who likes to think about why things are the way they are? Consider a hobby in the arts. Are you more scientifically inclined? Talk to your science teacher about ideas for ways to conduct experiments out of school.
