If possible, remove yourself physically from your little sister. Talk about what happened when you both feel calmer. If you can’t get away, try to keep your head. Blowing up at her will only make things worse. Take a breath and count to ten before responding. [3] X Research source Try not to take it personally and realize they are acting out because they have some unmet need. [4] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. Always practice kindness and empathy when talking to her. Even if she is bothering you, remember she is probably doing this because she wants to follow your lead and be a part of your world. [5] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
Using “I” language rather than blaming, criticizing, or accusing your sister will also show her that you respect her. She will be much more likely to treat you with respect in return.
Consider the consequences of your actions. For example, if you give your sister the silent treatment she will become desperate for your attention, which may make her even more annoying. On the other hand, if you make sure that the two of you spend a little bit of quality time together every week she will be much more likely to accept it when you say, “I’m sorry, I can’t play with you right now, I’m doing something else. ”[12] X Research source Learn to compromise. Your sister’s needs may be different from yours, but objectively speaking, they are just as important as your own. You cannot always meet her demands, and sometimes her youth will mean her reactions aren’t as mature as you’d prefer. If you strive to meet in the middle when possible, however, you’ll eliminate considerable conflict on both sides. [13] X Research source Try to be relatable and approachable. Dismissing your sister will only drive a wedge between you two, and there is a good reason she is following you around and annoying you. [14] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
Remember, people will be less inclined to help if you get personal, or if you overreact: “She’s so annoying! Make her stop!” or, “You always take her side!” Instead, focus on the problem: “She’s come into my room without knocking every day this week, and I feel like I can’t get any privacy. Could you try talking to her about it?” or, “She starts screaming every time I say no to her, and I’m having a lot of trouble handling it. Do you have any ideas?”[15] X Research source Ask your parent or guardian for regular “alone time” to talk about life in general – and your relationship with your little sister. Checking in regularly will give your parent or guardian the knowledge they need to monitor your interactions with your little sister before they hit the crisis stage of serious irritation. Your parent or guardian should take a similar time to talk with your sibling(s). [16] X Trustworthy Source Michigan Medicine The University of Michigan’s medical center, which provides patient care, supports research, and educates the public on health topics Go to source
For example, you might set a rule that distinguishes between “tattling” and “telling” – “tattling” is done just to get someone in trouble (“Jane tracked mud in the house!”), while “telling” is done to keep someone out of bigger trouble (“Ann is standing on the counter and I’m worried she’ll fall off!”). [17] X Research source
When you interact with your little sister, ask yourself, “How would I feel or react if she treated me this way?” If you mess up and raise your voice in a moment of anger, apologize to her later, when you’ve calmed down. She will learn from your example and may start to return the favor when she messes up. [20] X Research source
If you don’t want your sister to come into your room, for example, say something like, “This is my space, and you need to respect that. If you come in here without asking, I’m going to tell Mom, and I won’t play with you that night. If you respect my privacy for a whole week, though, you can come to sit on my bed this weekend, and we’ll play any board game you want. ”
This also means that you should avoid saying things like, “If you don’t leave me alone, I’m never talking to you again!” Your sister knows that you will have to talk to her again at some point, so your threat will be meaningless, and she will have no reason to listen to you.
If your sister goes a whole evening without pestering you, tell her, “I really appreciated how well you kept yourself entertained while I was doing my homework tonight. That was awesome. ” Give her a high-five, or better yet, spend a little time hanging out with her. It will mean the world to her that you noticed that she was being good, and she will want to impress you again in the future.
Don’t leave your sister alone and unsupervised if she is very small, but don’t try to calm her down or reason with her while she is kicking and screaming. Negative attention is still attention, and if you respond to her tantrums by engaging with her, she will learn that throwing tantrums is a good way to get you to interact with her. Once she’s calmed down, be ready to re-engage.
Avoid, however, the temptation to “parent” your sibling. Ultimately your parent or guardian is responsible for guiding your sibling’s behavior. If you’re a firstborn sibling, in particular, you may feel that everyone depends upon you. [26] X Research source Younger siblings, on the other hand, can feel like they’re being given less attention or are treated like babies. [27] X Research source Let your parent or guardian be the head of the household.
Remember the many positive aspects of having a sibling. You and your sister will always have each other. It’s highly likely that the person you find so annoying at this stage in your life will grow into a lifelong friend. Make a list of kind, helpful, or loving things your little sister has done for you. Keep it for future reference to remind yourself of her good qualities when you’re finding her especially annoying. [31] X Research source
