Try a sense activity. Begin by naming things in the present moment that you can see, feel, hear, touch, taste, or smell. [3] X Research source Repeat affirmations to refocus yourself on the present. Try “I am happy in my relationship now. I won’t listen to my jealous thoughts. ”[4] X Research source Engage in mindful appreciation. Notice 5 positive things about your relationship that usually go unnoticed or unappreciated. [5] X Research source

Ask her what she values about your relationship. Notice if she is talking about a future with you. If so, then you know she is invested in your future together!

Think of a positive image you have about her, a great memory of something you have done together, or a feeling you have about your relationship together.

Go on a vacation together. Plan a day trip somewhere you have both been meaning to go. Pretend to be tourists in your own town. Learn something new together.

To help you figure it out, try writing a list of what comes up. Next to each item on the list, write what was happening right before, what you did as a result, and what you could do differently. [10] X Research source

Is it more often focused on her sexual experiences with her exes? Perhaps there is something in your intimate relationship that you or she would like to work on or change. Does it have to do more with how she felt or feels about her exes? Maybe you are feeling insecure about your relationship, or she is feeling disconnected from you and is craving closeness. It is about how her family felt about a past relationship? Possibly you do not feel comfortable around her family, or she is experiencing some anxiety about introducing you to them.

Do you find you are comparing yourself to her exes? You might be feeling inadequate of down about yourself. Consider your self-esteem and whether it could use a boost! Are you worried that your girlfriend will “go back” to her ex? You might be feeling anxious. Consider the trust between you both and see if you could address any issues. Do you get upset or angry when you hear about their relationship or things they have done together? You might be feeling jealous. Consider how secure you feel in your relationship and maybe talk about any insecurities you are feeling.

Is it setting her up to feel guilty? Remember the past is the past and she can’t do anything to change what has already happened. Neither can you. Is is leading to fights or hostility between the two of you? Feelings of anger and resentment could be resulting from the thoughts and the complications it is causing in your relationship. Are you both happy in your current relationship? What are you both doing to try to help?

By suppressing or ignoring your emotions you are risking they will come back up at a later time. By not opening up to your girlfriend and working through the problem you will just be shutting her out creating more potential issues between you two.

Mention how you feel and what’s bothering you. “Hey, I’ve been overthinking something lately and it’s really been bothering me, can we talk about it?” Talk to her about anything in your past history that may be contributing to your reaction to these issues. [18] X Research source “This may be bothering me because in the past I. . . ” See what her opinion is. “What do you think?” Ask her to help. ”I’m feeling like I might need some more love and support to move past this. It would really help me if. . . ”

Open up the topic. “I’ve noticed something and it would really help me if we could talk about it so I can understand it better. ” Acknowledge that you understand what she has said, by repeating it back to her and stating, “okay, I understand. ” Advocate for yourself and how you feel. “When you bring up your ex or your past relationships, it makes me feel. . . ” Figure out a compromise. “What can we do, so that we can move forward?”