Imagine if someone labeled you as being “angry” and treated you differently because of it. Consider how you would feel if someone labeled you as a “liar,” even though you aren’t one.
For example, you might meet someone for the first time and he acts very short and coldly towards you. You may be tempted to label him as distant or grumpy; however, he may have just had his car towed before you met him, and is usually very pleasant. Maybe your neighbor ignores you sometimes when you say hello in the morning and you think he is rude. You might later find out he has a hearing problem and simply didn’t hear you.
For example, if you label someone as being “untrustworthy”, others might also view her in the same way. This person may then be treated unfairly because of the inaccurate and harmful label. Maybe you’ve incorrectly labeled a neighbor as being “scary” and try to avoid her. This can needlessly cause her to feel unwelcome or make her worry that something is wrong with her.
For example, someone who has schizophrenia may have the label “mentally ill”. While he has an illness, he is also more than that illness and deserves the same respect you’d give to anyone else. Someone who needs a wheelchair may be labeled as being “disabled. " Try to think of him as a “person with a disability,” not a “disabled person. ” This should not stop you from being friends with them.
Gossip will generally lead to harmful and inaccurate labels. Always try to represent a person as accurately as you can during a conversation about them.
Some typical preconceived notions you might have without even realizing it include gender labels (e. g. “She’s emotional because she’s a woman,” or “She’s a bad driver because she’s a woman. “); age labels (e. g. “He’s an old man so he’s probably racist,” or “He’s just senile. “); labels based on race or nationality (e. g. “She’s Asian so she’s probably a terrible driver. “); and so on.
Avoid blaming or labeling others when something goes wrong in your life. Realize when you’ve made a mistake and accept responsibility for it, instead of labeling someone else as the problem. Often, a person who always thinks his problems are because of someone else — everyone else is too sensitive, they’re all jerks, etc. — is failing to take responsibility for his own challenges and recognize areas where he may need to grow and improve.
Getting to know a person will allow you to more accurately understand them. Applying a label without understanding a person will only result in a false image of them. Learning more about a person will make it more difficult to invent harmful labels or stories about them.
For example, maybe you’ve always thought your coworker was “weird;” however, once you got to know them a bit better, you might actually find out that you’ve both got a lot in common and enjoy one another’s company. Or maybe you assume that someone is “disabled” because they’re in a wheelchair. But, when you start asking them about their hobbies, you actually find out they’re a serious athlete who plays wheelchair basketball and rugby. Asking the person questions and getting to know them can challenge the label you placed on them based on your assumptions. Moving past labels and learning more about who the person actually is can be a great way to find the good in whoever you’re meeting.
Let the past go and actively forgive someone. Focus on the facts of a situation to gain a better view of what actually happened. Try to give people a second chance. Understand when something was a one-time mistake.
For example, thinking of someone as “argumentative” may cause you to be defensive, even if there is no argument. Thinking that someone is often upset and regularly asking him if he is may actually cause him to be upset.
Someone may have told you that your boss is a “bully. ” It’s best to get to know your boss before accepting this label to avoid building up a false image of her. You might worry every time you walk by your “dangerous” neighbor; however, you might learn that she is actually one of the kindest people you’ve met and that all the worrying was for nothing.
For example, if you label someone as being “angry” you may think that he slams doors or stomps around, even though he is no more aggressive than anyone else. If you label someone as being “ugly,” there is a good chance that all you will see are the “ugly” things about him.
Evaluate your labels and make sure they match up with reality. Labels like “compassionate,” “dishonest,” “wild,” or “kind” can all be helpful; however, you should only use labels like these after you’ve gotten to know a person, and you should probably keep them to yourself. Let other people form their own opinions. Sometimes, negative labels might actually apply to someone and they can be helpful tools when dealing with that person. Labels should never be used to justify treating someone poorly.
