If he wants to talk to you about something when you are stressed, ask him politely if you can talk in a few minutes instead. Use those few minutes to do something that relaxes you, like taking a shower.
Say “Dad, I want to talk to you about something. I just want you to listen for right now. I don’t want advice, I just want someone to talk to. ” You can also say “There is a field trip coming up with school and it’s overnight. Can I talk to you about that? I would really like to go. Please hear me out before you respond. ”
For instance, if you have recently gotten a speeding ticket, say “Dad, I did something bad today and I need to let you know. I was speeding on the way home and got a ticket. But I already talked to my supervisor and he said I can pick up extra shifts every weekend this month to pay for it. ”
You can say “Dad, we’ve been fighting a lot lately and it really upsets me. I was wondering if there’s anything that I can do to prevent this or anything that you need from me?” Let him know what you need from him, too. Say “Dad, I really want our relationship to improve. It’s hard for me to come to you sometimes because I know you’ll yell at me. Do you think that you could do that less?”
Breathe deeply during this process, in through your nose and out through your mouth. It’s okay to show your emotions, but don’t let them consume you or cause you to do things you’ll regret.
For example, you could say, “I really want to go to the party, but I will respect your decision. " You could bargain and ask if he would be willing to let you stay out an hour later on Friday night if you wash his car and mow the lawn. If your father ever tells you to do something that is harmful or illegal, tell someone. Find an adult you trust like a teacher so that they can get you help.
For instance, your dad might have you on a 10PM curfew, while your friends are allowed to stay out later. Your dad might be concerned about drunk drivers, drugs, or he may not trust your friends. You could say, “Could you explain your thinking about this so I can better understand and accept your decision?” It may help you find resolution with the issue. Then you might get on a bit better.
Be sure to do them to the best of your ability so that he doesn’t have anything to argue with you about.
You might even establish a group text with him and your other siblings so you can chat throughout the week.
Try not to promise more than you can comfortably deliver.
Say something like “Dad, thanks for always being there for me. And thanks so much for going to all of my games this season. It means a lot. ” You can tell him in person or write him a note.
You might even consider playing a game like Spades or trivia during dinner.
