To have more neutral body language, you may want to try using progressive muscle relaxation—a process by which you tense and then release all of the muscles in your body. This can remove negativity or stress from your body as well as your mind.
For example, if your tendency would be to yell at your spouse for not folding your laundry the way you like, you could try assertive expression instead. You might say, “I appreciate your helping me by doing laundry, but it frustrates me that you fold my pants in a way that causes them to wrinkle. I feel unprofessional while wearing wrinkled pants at work. I would really appreciate it if you would fold them more carefully, or if you would just let me wash and fold my own laundry. ”
You cannot handle your own negative emotions, so you lash out at others. Your ego feels threatened, so you are mean as a form of defense. You envy someone else’s life or accomplishments, so you want to hurt them. [11] X Research source You are projecting your own negative feelings about yourself on someone else. You are trying to make yourself feel unique and distinct from other people by distinguishing differences between you in a mean way.
For example, if you think, “This guy is an idiot!” you may feel frustrated talking to him, and that will come across in your words and actions. If, however, you think, “This person needs to learn more about the topic,” you might be more inclined to teach him, and your increased patience will come through your words. Remember that even when you feel that you cannot control your thoughts or feelings, you can always choose how to act. Each time you speak or act, you are making a choice about what words and actions you use.
If you are feeling particularly angry, resentful, hurt, or sad, you may want to wait to talk to others. These emotions can stand in the way of positive communication and cause you to lash out at someone else.
Building a cache of journal entries about your meanness can help you identify whether there are people, events, or environments that seem to “trigger” your tendency to act mean. [15] X Research source Identifying your triggers gives you the opportunity to work towards improving in those situations in the future.
If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your physician or a pharmacist about safe sleep aids. Alternately, making dietary changes, such as reducing caffeine and sugar consumption, or lifestyle changes, such as reducing nighttime screen time, may enable you to sleep better at night.
Breathe deeply and slowly. Deep breaths can slow your heart rate and make you feel calmer. Your breaths should be deep enough that your belly extends outwards on the “in” breath. Picture a golden-white light filling your body as you breathe in. Picture that light filling and relaxing your mind. When you breathe out, visualize dark, muddy colors leaving your body. Once you are calm from your meditation, you should feel more ready to speak to others in a kind way.
Sometimes, you might find yourself being mean because you’re emotionally overwhelmed. If that happens, you might need to take a break from the people you’re around for a little while. [25] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.
Consider practicing yoga. It combines physicality and mindfulness, so it has the benefits of both exercise and meditation. If you can’t get to a yoga studio, try streaming an internet yoga video or downloading a yoga application to your mobile device. [29] X Research source If you are feeling whimsical, you might try dancing to feel better. Dancing both gives you a bit of an exercise boost and activates the pleasure centers of your brain. [30] X Research source You may find that getting daily exercise gives you more overall energy, which can help you be productive and patient without getting irritated with other people.
Include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and protein in your diet. [31] X Research source Getting healthy fats can also make you feel full longer. Avoid fat-free and overly processed foods. These often lack adequate nutrition and may leave you feeling dissatisfied. Anti-inflammatory foods and those containing Omega-3 fatty acids may particularly contribute to your feeling happier. Some specific foods that fall into this category include leafy greens, avocado, asparagus, walnuts, dark chocolate, and green tea.
If you’re unable to get together in person, talking on the phone and having a 2-way conversation (particularly with a funny friend!) can improve your mood quickly.
