If you’re feeling down and you’re having trouble finding value in yourself, try the following exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. At the top of one side, write “pros”, and at the top of the other, write “cons”. Begin to write your positive and negative attributes in the appropriate columns. For each “con” you write, try to write two “pros”. When you’ve filled your “pros” column, stop and review what you’ve written down. Your positive qualities should dwarf your negative ones. Remind yourself that you’re a strong, capable person who can get through anything. [3] X Expert Source Erin Conlon, PCC, JDExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
This advice is especially true if your work or school situation isn’t ideal. It can be tricky to find a new job that you love or get a new group of friends at school, but it’s not very hard, for instance, to spend a little time practicing piano every evening if you love music. Try to tend towards skill-based activities that you can improve at over time. While watching TV and playing video games can be fun, they don’t usually offer any serious potential for self-improvement. If you don’t have any go-to hobbies, try doing something creative, like painting or drawing. [4] X Expert Source Erin Conlon, PCC, JDExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
To be perfectly clear, you don’t need to have a body like a professional athlete to be happy. Though everyone’s fitness needs are different, the Centers for Disease Control recommend that adults should aim for about 1 1/4 hours - 2 1/2 hours of cardio exercise per week (depending on its intensity) in addition to strength-training exercise on two or more days each week. [6] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source
If you’ve recently lost your job, don’t be ashamed — instead, work hard to find another, better one. Don’t forget the old cliché: “Finding a job is a job. " Beware of people who encourage you to neglect your work or school in favor of short term fun. While a little recreational activity is always a great idea, someone who consistently abandons their responsibilities for cheap thrills is the very definition of a loser.
While it’s almost always a great idea to spend time hanging out with friends, try not to dwell exclusively on negative thoughts and emotions when you’re with them. Good friends should be more than happy to talk with you about any serious problems you have, but making a habit of “dumping” your emotional issues on your friends can be very fatiguing for them. Instead, try talking to family members, role models you trust, like teachers, bosses, or religious figures who know you, or professional counselors.
If you know the answer to either of these two questions, start looking for jobs or schools you might like. It’s never to early to start planning for your future. Plus, you can always change your plans if you start to feel differently.
Negative self-images (e. g. comments like, “Why can’t I do anything right?”) Negative views of you (e. g. comments like, “Ugh, you again. “) A lack of personal hobbies or interests Hobbies and interests solely related to drug use, “slacker” activities, etc. An inactive lifestyle (e. g. lots of time spent on couch, watching TV, etc. ) A lack of goals or personal direction
While you won’t want to give too much weight to the negative comments of others, you won’t want to disregard the advice of other people entirely. If someone you know and respect expresses their concern about you, listen. It may be unwarranted, but it may be illuminating — the only way you’ll know is to listen.
Spend a few minutes imagining yourself having a great time in an upcoming social situation. Imagine what you’re saying and what you’re doing, then use this as a guide. View social failures as instances in which you learned a lesson. Listen to exciting or uplifting music to “pump yourself up” before social situations. Don’t give yourself to dwell on what could go wrong. Just jump in to social situations that have you worries! Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” In most social situations, the answer is, “Not much. " Remember: confidence comes from learning that you can survive anything, even if you don’t succeed right away. [10] X Expert Source Erin Conlon, PCC, JDExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
Though it can be tempting to pry for personal details, try to limit your questions to pleasantries until you become somewhat familiar with someone. For instance, if you’ve just met a stranger at a party, you’ll want to ask questions along the lines of, “Where are you from?”, “What did you study?”, and, “Have you seen this movie that just came out?” Try to avoid questions like, “How much do you make, before taxes?”, “Did you have a good relationship with your mother?”, and “Do you kiss strangers at parties?”
In fact, friendly debates and disagreements can make for spirited, engaging conversations. Just ensure that you keep things lighthearted. Don’t ever resort to low-blows like insults and personal jabs to prove your point. Remember, if you can’t prove that you’re right with pure logic, you might not be right!
Emotional problems you’re having Relationship difficulties Recent personal losses Morbid subjects (death, genocide, etc. ) Overly raunchy subjects (off-color jokes, etc. )
Remember: no matter how cool and collected someone seems when you’re talking to them, at the end of the day, they still have to put on their pants in the morning one leg at a time. If someone seems intimidating to you, it can help to think about them in a less serious context (e. g. , in their underwear, shopping for socks, watching TV with a bowl of chips on their stomach, etc. )
Everyone’s different, but some common techniques can help most people relax. For instance, many people find that spending a few minutes in meditation can make it much easier to relax. For others, exercise or listening to calming music may be the key. For more information, see How to Relax.
There are literally countless things you can do to meet people. Some of these are obvious (like going out to bars, social clubs, parties, and so on), while others aren’t. For instance, hosting a book club or a rock-climbing outing and inviting your friends to bring their friends can be a great way to meet new people. Be creative! Anything you do that involves other people can be a way to meet someone. This really can’t be stated enough — the only way to meet people is to go out and do things where you’re likely to interact with other people. If you’re not having luck meeting people in the places and situations you’re used to, keep trying new places and activities until you do start running into new people.
Don’t hang back and waste time worrying about how to approach perfectly. You may not always find success by approaching without hesitation, but you will have more successes than you would otherwise. In addition, even in cases where things don’t go the way you want them to, you’ll meet more people this way.
At this point, you don’t have to put the invitation to hang out in a romantic context. Simply saying something like, “Hey, you should come with us the next time we go bowling,” is a low-pressure way to extend the offer to hang out in the future. If the person you’re talking to is interested, she’ll usually either do one of two things: accept, or decline but give an excuse and say that she’d enjoy hanging out some other time.
To avoid getting crushed by rejection, try to avoid investing your self emotionally in crushes that you haven’t followed through on yet. This way, if you get a “no,” it’s not a big deal. You have other options.
The big exception here is for formal and semi-formal situations. Certain places and events (like weddings, fancy restaurants, etc. ) demand a certain level of formality in your dress. In these situations, showing up in an overly casual outfit can indicate a lack of respect, so, if you’re unsure, contact a staff member at the place you’re going ahead of time to see whether there’s a dress code.
On top of this, it’s also disrespectful to approach someone romantically without being honest with them. Ask yourself, “Would I be flattered or embarrassed if someone lied to me just to get closer to me?”
Go hiking in a scenic location (or try geocaching!) Create an art project together (e. g. paint, make pottery, etc. ) Pick fruit in the wilderness or in an orchard Go to the beach Play a competitive sport (if you’re feeling risky, try something like paintball) Don’t go to a traditional movie theater (these are great down the road, but for your first date, you want to do something where you can talk to the other person). Instead, try a drive-in or watch something at home.
