Verbally attacking someone, such as by criticizing them, blaming them, or insulting them Using intimidation or threats Isolating the person from their friends and family Threatening to kill yourself as a way to emotionally manipulate other people Withholding money, preventing the person from getting a job, or denying them other necessary resources Destroying the person’s belongings Sexually or physically assaulting the person Making angry gestures to frighten the person
If you were abused as a child or by someone else, then you might already have a good understanding of how this feels. Reflect on how you felt when someone else abused you and recognize that you’re now doing that to someone else.
It might help to write your commitment down, such as in the form of a letter to yourself and sign it. For example, you could write, “Dear Janet, You are a good person, which is why you don’t want to hurt your loved ones any more. From this moment on, commit to stop abusing them verbally and find healthier ways to interact with them. Love, Janet. ”
For example, if you and your partner are arguing, you might list an alternative to name calling as taking a walk to clear your head. If your usual response to your child’s tantrums is to slap them, then you might list an alternative as having them sit in time out for 5 minutes. If you have used emotional manipulation to get a parent to do what you want, then you might commit to talking with them openly about your needs instead.
It might be helpful to talk through your expectations with a therapist. They can help to ensure that you’re staying grounded in reality and applying fair, reasonable expectations to your loved ones.
Even excusing yourself to go to the bathroom for a few minutes may be enough to help you calm down and change perspective.
For example, you could call the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US at 1−800−799−7233. [10] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source
Make sure to do something that will help you relax in a healthy way, such as by engaging in a favorite hobby, exercising, or relaxing.
Keep in mind that you’ll still have to work on managing your emotions even after you stop using drugs or alcohol. However, you might find it easier to deal with everyday stressors if you aren’t also dealing with agitation or pain from hangovers and withdrawal.
Try saying something like, “I’ve done some things that I’m ashamed of, but I’m trying to change. I need help and support, and I’d appreciate it if you’d be there for me. ” For example, you might ask them to check in with you once a week to see how you’re doing or ask them to remind you of your commitment if they notice you going back to your old ways. Be sure to tell your friend or family member about any other issues you’re facing, such as substance abuse, depression, or financial issues.
Set up an initial meeting with the therapist to see if you think they might be able help you.
You might even be able to find a group specific to the age of your child or children, such as a group for parents of toddlers or teens.
