Make the person feel like their thoughts are important. If they begin to talk about a subject, ask more questions about it instead of talking about something that you really want to talk about. Use the person’s name once or twice after you learn it. If the person talks first, nod intently to show that you’re listening.
If you realize that you’ve been asking too many questions, make a joke about it. Say, “Sorry – the interview is over,” and move on to talking about something else. Ask the person about their hobbies or interests, not about his dreams and desires. Talk about something fun. Don’t ask the person what they thinks about the latest tragedy on the news or how much they’ve had to work overtime recently. Make the person enjoy the subject of the conversation as well as the conversation itself. Make sure that you’re sharing, too. Ideally, you and the other person should share the same amount.
Use your wit to get the person’s attention. Show that you’re quick on your feet and are comfortable with wordplay, clever jokes, and general banter. If you have a killer funny story, use it, as long as it’s short. Don’t tell a long story you haven’t tried out before or you may fall flat on your face.
Make sure the questions is open-ended enough. Don’t ask the person about what they think is the meaning of life; just ask what they thinks of the Lakers’ season this year. You should also know when the conversation isn’t going well. If someone is giving you yes or no answers to questions that require more of a response, then that person may not be that interested in talking to you.
In general it’s best to avoid talking about politics and religion. [6] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020. Don’t reveal overly-personal information. Don’t talk about your painful breakup, the weird rash on your back, or how you’re starting to wonder if anyone in your life really loves you. You can save that for people who actually know you well. Don’t ask the person something that could lead to an uncomfortable response. Let the person talk about his significant other, career, or health. Don’t ask if the person is dating someone only to find that they’ve recently had his heart broken. Don’t spend the whole time talking about yourself. Though poking fun at yourself and offering some personal information can put the other person at ease, if you’re droning on and on about how great you are or what you’re going to have for breakfast the next day, the person will quickly lose interest. Pay attention. Don’t forget the person’s name, job, or any important information the person reveals after five minutes. This will make the person feel like you don’t care at all. When the person says his name, repeat it aloud so you’re more likely to remember it.
If you’re at a party, talk about the music that’s playing. That will give you something to talk about – whether you both hate or love the music. If you’re meeting at a bar, ask the person for a drink recommendation. Then you can approve if you like the drink or tease the person if it’s not up to par. Talk about the person’s leisure activities. Without being too pushy, ask them what they like to do for fun on the weekends. Don’t talk about your jobs. This is just not a turn-on. You can get to that later. Tease the person. If it’s hot out and they’re wearing a sweater, gently tease the girl’s fashion choice. Talk about pets. People love talking about their pets. If you have a pet, you can even swap photos.
Keep it positive. Don’t be self-deprecating or complain right away; open with a positive remark, like talking about how great your local sports team is doing (if you think that person likes sports) or how much you love the bar or restaurant where you find yourself. Talk about your neighborhood. People take pride in where they live and the things they love to do in that area, so if you live in the same hood, you can bond over how great it is. Then you can get more personal and talk about places where you used to live. Ask the person what they like to do for fun. Maybe you’ll find that you have some of the same interests. Don’t talk so much about yourself. Make sure you’re talking about each other equally. You should walk away with some new information about that person. If you have mutual friends, ask that person how they know your mutual friend. You could get into some funny stories about a person you both know.
Ask your coworker about his family. Everyone loves talking about their family, so just casually ask how the person’s family is doing. Your coworker will be whipping out photos and giving you more information than you want to hear in a second. Talk about what you’re going to do with your weekends. If you work together, then you both look forward to getting out at work on Friday and doing something fun or relaxing over the weekend. Your coworker will be happy about sharing his plans if you don’t pry too much. Bond over a mutual complaint. Mention the traffic, broken copier, or lack of creamer in the kitchen, and you both can shake your heads together as you jump into a more lively conversation. Don’t talk about work too much. Unless you’re starting a conversation with a coworker because you have a work-related question, work on showing your human side and talking about your friends, families, and interests instead of your projects or reports. Find a human connection that you can make outside of working.
Poke fun at yourself. This is a great tactic especially if you’re starting a conversation with people who know you but don’t know each other very well. Let people laugh at you or tease you, and they’ll be on their way to building a common bond. Try to address the group instead of just one or two people. If you specifically direct your comment at one person, the others will feel left out. Pet peeves make for good conversation starters because everyone has them. You can start off by telling a story about one of your pet peeves and others are sure to join in. Think of things that the people in the group may have in common and bring them up. You don’t have to be subtle. You can say, “Hey, you both love the Giants – did you see that crazy game last night?”
