Avoid checking your phone, surfing the web, or watching television when having a conversation with your girlfriend. Keep in mind distractions aren’t only technological. For example, if either of you need time to zone out after school or work, give each other some space before starting an extended conversation.

Ask her things like, “What did you do at work (or school) today? How did your presentation go? What’s the most unique thing that happened to you today?” Learning small, even trivial details about someone lays the foundation of an intimate connection. [4] X Research source Asking your girlfriend about her job can be a great way to start a conversation. People usually enjoy talking (or venting) about work. [5] X Expert Source Eddy BallerDating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.

Make your intentions clear if she seems annoyed or asks, “Why do you want to know?” Say, “I’m not checking up on you or trying to nag, I just want to learn more about you. ”

Expressing your interest and support, or “turning toward” your girlfriend, is crucial to maintaining a good relationship.

For example, if she says something negative, like that she got splashed by a car while walking down a sidewalk, you could say, “Oh man, I’m sorry, babe. Remember when we got caught in that downpour the first time we walked to the park in your neighborhood? We got so soaked, but I always laugh whenever I think about us holding hands and running to get out of the rain!”

Try saying something like, “That’s awful! I am sorry you had to go through that. What can I do to help?”

For example, you might start off by just talking about your days at school or work. You could then go deeper by asking her, “If you could change anything about your day, what would it be?”

Ask her things like, “Where do you see yourself in five years? What’s your dream job? Do you want a family someday? How many kids do you see yourself having?” Think about your own answers to these questions, and share them openly and honestly with your girlfriend. Don’t interrogate her. Try to keep the conversation two-sided and be willing to share answers to your own questions as well.

Ask each other, “What was the first thing that convinced you we should start dating? What are the biggest changes in me that you’ve noticed since we started dating? What are my strengths and weaknesses as a partner? Where can I improve?”

If you want to tell your girlfriend about something she does that bothers you say, “Please don’t think I’m just being critical for the sake of it. I care about you and our relationship, and I just want us build the best partnership possible. " If your girlfriend lets you know about something you can work on, take responsibility for it and, if necessary, ask for more information about how can you be a better partner.

Good eye contact will also help you come across as more confident and attractive. [13] X Expert Source Eddy BallerDating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. Don’t forget to smile every once in a while if it feels right for the conversation. Just don’t overdo it—smiling too much can come across as insincere. [14] X Expert Source Eddy BallerDating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.

Instead, ask her to set aside time to talk about an issue. Say, “Hey, I know you’re upset about what I did the other day. I’d really appreciate it if we could take some time to talk about it. ” Keep in mind that putting off these difficult issues will only make matters worse over time and end up slowly poisoning the relationship. Tell her, “I want to have a calm, open conversation about the issues we’ve been having,” or “There’s something I need to talk to you about, and I hope you’ll keep an open mind. ”

Tell her, “I know I’ve been closing myself off to you. I’ve been reflecting on why, and I think it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve always been the type to put up walls and I hope you can be patient with me as I work through this. ”

Be detached and understanding if she’s closed herself off to you. Say, “I don’t want to force you to talk about your feelings or put too much pressure on you. But I hope we can get to a point that you trust me with your emotions. I promise we can talk openly and calmly with each other about anything. ”

For example, say, “I’d like to talk about taking our relationship to the next step. How do you feel about intimacy and being physical with each other? Do you have any expectations about timing?” Ask her, “Can we talk about when we hung out with your friends last night? I felt really left out. I don’t want to keep you from socializing, but maybe you can help me relate to your friends more when we hang out with them?”