People tend to listen to those who choose their words carefully. Someone who’s always sharing their opinion or telling stories may lose people’s interest with time. If you have a tendency to talk too much, you may find yourself constantly sharing information unnecessarily.
For example, if you and co-worker are in the break room at the same time, you do not have to make small talk. If your co-worker does not seem interested in talking, they may not be in the mood for social interaction. In this case, it’s okay to offer a polite smile and let the silence happen.
People often reveal information they’d rather keep private through speaking too much. When you think of something you want to add, especially if it’s something very personal, pause. Remember you can always share new information later, but you can never make information private again once you’ve shared it.
Watch body language. The listener may fidget or check their phone if they’re getting bored. Their eyes may also begin to wander. Try to wrap it up within the next 20 seconds and give the speaker a chance to share. In general, try not to talk for more than 40 seconds at a time. Any longer than this may make the listener feel irritated or talked over.
When you find yourself speaking too much, pause and evaluate your mood. How are you feeling? Are you feeling anxious? You can do things like count to 10 in your head or take deep breaths if you’re anxious. You can also try giving yourself a pep talk before social events. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be nervous, but you should relax and try to have fun. If social anxiety is a major problem for you, see a therapist to address it.
If you tend to talk too much to impress others, try to remind yourself others will be more impressed by what you say than how much you say. Instead of going overboard talking about yourself, reserve your input for moments when you can contribute something valuable to the conversation.
Keep your eyes on the speaker most of the time. If you find other thoughts creeping in, remind yourself to return to the present and listen.
Electronic devices, like cell phones, can often demand our attention, especially if they make noise or give off notifications. Keep your phone in your purse or pocket when talking to someone so you’re not tempted to look elsewhere. Eye contact can also let you know if you’re boring someone else. If someone breaks eye contact while you’re speaking, you may be talking too much. Pause and give the speaker a turn.
It can help to try to picture what’s being communicated. Create images in your mind that represent what the speaker is saying. You can also try to latch on to key words and phrases while the speaker talks.
For example, say something like, “So, you’re saying you are stressed about the upcoming office party. " Then, follow up with a question. For example, say, “Where do you think this stress is coming from? Do you want to talk about that?” Make sure to be empathetic and non-judgmental as you listen to the speaker. You can express respect and validate their position without giving up your own position.
For example, if you’re going through a serious problem in your personal life, it’s okay to share with others if you need support. It’s also important to share if your opinion could be valuable. If you, say, have a strong opinion about something at work, it can be beneficial to share with your boss and co-workers.
Eye contact may also be less appropriate in certain cultures. Asian cultures may find eye contact disrespectful. If you’re meeting someone from a different culture, make sure to read up on social etiquette surrounding eye contact.
