Consider when you first felt fear about social situations. Consider whether there are any specific types of social situations that are anxiety provoking for you.
Many social fears are based on worst-case scenario thinking. For instance, if someone you just met cut their conversation with you short, you might immediately fear that they dislike you. Consider whether there are other, more likely explanations. Maybe they remembered they were late for an appointment, or maybe they were in a hurry to pick up their child from school.
For instance, if you catch yourself thinking “I’m a social failure,” change that thought to, “I’m nervous in social situations, but I’m working on developing my skills. ” It may also help you to think back to a time when this thought was not true. Try asking a friend or family member to get a different perspective on the thought as well.
Remember that you don’t have to be perfect to be liked.
Ask a friend for their opinion when you feel yourself getting particularly anxious. Tell the person what thoughts are going through your head and conduct reality-based testing to see if there is any evidence to support your thoughts.
It is perfectly fine to see a few therapists when you are looking for one. This will help you to find someone who you feel comfortable talking to.
Start with small interactions, like buying groceries in the regular check-out lane instead of the self-check-out. As you get more comfortable talking to people, work your way up to bigger interactions, like going to parties. Try to come up with some topics to discuss when you have an opportunity, such as while waiting in line to buy groceries. Stick to lighter topics such as the weather or local events and steer clear of anything potentially inflammatory, such as politics. Keep in mind that the length of the conversation does not matter. Even having a short exchange with someone is good.
For instance, if you’re nervous about going to your first job interview, do some research on interview etiquette and frequently asked interview questions. If you are going to a conference, research speakers and companies in advance. Come up with some questions and things to say.
Breathing deeply forces your muscles to relax and ensures you get enough oxygen in your blood. Your body tells your brain how to feel, so taking deep breaths will let your brain know that you are okay.
If you’re feeling anxious at a wedding reception or party, go hang out with the kids for a few minutes. Saying “Hi. . . can I join you guys?” is enough to gain admission to their club.
For example, when you notice yourself becoming anxious, take stock of your environment. Play a mental game, pointing out to yourself some things that you see that are the color white or blue. You can also try looking for things that are round or square. Doing this uses your sense of sight and pulls your attention away from how you’re feeling to reduce your anxiety. You can also take the attention away from yourself by focusing on your other senses, such as by asking yourself, “What do I hear? See? Smell?”
For example, it might not be a good idea to ask, “How was work?” There’s a chance the other person could respond with “fine” and the conversation falls flat. If you ask, “What happened at work that was exciting this week?” there’s much more room to expand the conversation. The same goes when providing answers. If someone asks you a closed-ended question, challenge yourself to at least offer back a full sentence. For instance, if you are asked “How was work?,” respond with “Work was pretty stressful this week. " That way the other person has something (i. e. the fact that you were stressed) to keep the conversation alive. You can also ask about the person’s interests, favorite ways to spend free time, and good restaurants that they know about.
For instance, you could open a conversation by saying, “This weather is so beautiful! It doesn’t feel like November at all,” or, “Have you tried the new burger restaurant down the block? I’ve heard such good things about it. ” Avoid talking about touchy subjects like religion, politics, or personal issues until you know someone well.
Good topics to ask people about include their work, school, and kids. You might say, “Well, hello, Bill. It’s been awhile. How are Nancy and the kids? They must be teenagers now!” Don’t ask questions that are too personal unless you know somebody well.
The amount of eye contact you should make depends on your culture. In North America and most of Europe, making eye contact is considered polite. However, in Asia, Latin America, Africa, and the Middle East, eye contact can be seen as aggressive, flirtatious, or impolite. [13] X Research source
If more than one person has told you to speak up more, you probably need to work on being louder.
