Conversations aren’t just in person–texting and social media count, too. If you’re really trying to end a friendship, don’t indulge in these more than the occasional “like. ”[2] X Research source If your former friend starts a conversation with you, try to end it quickly. You can do this by not asking a lot of questions, and then by saying something like “see you later!”[3] X Research source
You might have to tell a lie to protect your former friend’s feelings. If you do, make it simple, vague, and easy to remember. “I have plans Saturday” is fine, and if they see you roller skating with two other people, they won’t think you were lying. “I have to sing the lead in an opera” obviously won’t work. [4] X Research source
Don’t apologize too much if it feels insincere. Emphasize the differences between you. This will drive home the fact that you’ve both grown, and have grown apart.
Do you feel like you have nothing to talk about anymore? Differences are awesome, but if you and your friend have nothing in common any more, the friendship might be higher-maintainance than it’s worth. Does your friend only get in touch with you if they want something, like your notes or your car for the evening?[7] X Research source It’s not much of a friendship if you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Does your friend make you feel like less than your best? Sometimes we rely on those we love to push us to be better. However, if your friend constantly corrects you or makes you feel bad about yourself, you might be better off without them. [8] X Research source
Identifying abuse in a friendship can be tricky. In general, if you are scared to be with your friend (whether it’s because of things they do or say), that’s a bad sign. [10] X Research source If someone scares you, there’s nothing wrong with suddenly ceasing to speak to them.
You may notice that you are missing your friend or craving their company again. If so, hang out with them one more time. Do you have fun together, or do you feel the same problems are in place? Your friend might have also noticed that your friendship is cooling. If this happens, they might initiate a slow drift of their own. If they do this, that makes things easier; you don’t have to put any energy into ending the friendship. [11] X Research source
Sometimes other friends who weren’t involved stigmatize both people involved in a friend drift or breakup. [13] X Research source Pay this no mind; just keep being polite to everyone.
Don’t talk too much with others about your decision to end the friendship. It may come off as badmouthing your former friend, which makes you look bad. Don’t tell your friend any harsh “truths,” like “no one wants to be friends with you because you’re boring. ” It’s a mean thing to do to someone who’s feeling particularly vulnerable, and it won’t help them grow. [15] X Research source
Stay in touch. Social media is a terrific glue, but so is in-person contact. Use a mix of both. [18] X Research source Plan adventures. Shared time is incredibly important, so make the most of it by arranging activities that both you and your friend enjoy. Be honest and learn from your mistakes. This is the best way to ensure that your loss of a friendship didn’t happen in vain. [19] X Expert Source Stefanie Barthmare, M. Ed. , LPCPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 21 May 2021.
