Suggest an after-dinner walk through the neighborhood. Turn one room into a dance floor and ask your spouse for a dance. Camp out in your own back yard. Read to your spouse in bed (with or without comic commentary). Go to the gym together (some couples swear that sex afterwards is great). Talk about ideas for a romantic vacation and store the details for safekeeping.
Make a video montage of your wedding night. Reach out to your in-laws and plan a surprise birthday party. Recreate your first date, first kiss, or first run-in. Write and record your spouse a love song (can be sincere or tongue-in-cheek). Create a storybook fictionalizing the beginning of your relationship.
Buy something for him/her when you know that they specifically want it. If he wants a Craftsman set of tools, or she wants a Fendi handbag, they might be upset at your well-meaning attempts to get them or make them something similar. Make something for them when you’re trying to show effort. It doesn’t take much effort to buy your spouse what you know they want, but it sure takes effort thinking of a poem, writing it down, and setting it in a frame. This shows real commitment. Numerous small gestures are easier than one big one. In case you thought you could wing it and make up for all your normal neglect, sorry: It’s much easier to do small things for your spouse at regular intervals than it is busting out a grand gesture every blue moon. Practice small and steady.
Go on a date at least once a month. Children, busy schedules, and apathy can all get in the way, but you both should shoot to be alone for dinner or the movies at least once a month. These moments can really help reignite the marital flame. When in doubt, ask questions. People love talking about themselves, and your spouse is no different. Pepper them with great “how,” “what” or “when” questions instead of simple “yes/no” questions. Great conversations rely on great questions. Become a connoisseur. [3] X Research source Really get to know their past. Some spouses are surprised to learn, after many years, everyday details about their partner’s past. Showing a concerted interest in their past shows them that you really care about who they are. Don’t lie, tell the truth admitting to your mistakes shows you trust each other and accept your past.
Praise your spouse’s talents and accomplishments. Figure out, if you haven’t already, the ways in which your partner thinks they’re unique or distinguished. Spend your time reinforcing those traits. If your husband fancies himself an intellectual, praise him for his smarts; if your wife fancies herself a fashionista, praise her for her style. [5] X Research source Get used to talking about feelings. Don’t shy away from talking about what emotions you’re going through. Dialogue about the emotions your partner is having. Share even inconsequential things that happened during your day, as it will make your partner feel more intimately involved in your life. [6] X Research source
Don’t raise your voice, used loaded words, or generalize using words like “always” and “constantly. " These can make the truth sting more than it needs to. Don’t be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Trust that your significant other actually wants you to tell them the truth. You should strive to encourage each other keep coming up with ways to better yourselves and your relationship. Use gracious words to point out your spouse’s weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. If your spouse is especially sensitive, balance out criticism with praise. So they see what they need to improve, don’t just lie and say they’re perfect they way they are, point out what they need to improve, help them become better in a positive way.
Things that men might consider about women: A little physical affection goes a long way. Guys don’t often show physical affection, and sometimes a little gesture like a kiss on the neck or a spontaneous embrace is just what she needs. Don’t think of it as reassurance; think of it as reaching out. Things that women might consider about men: Men sometimes think of physical affection as unnecessary or even clingy. That’s not to say that you can’t show your love; just be aware that to him it’s not as important. Give your spouse time to voice his emotions, and don’t punish him if he can’t.
Don’t make excuses. Excuses may be real for you, but they sound like excuses to your spouse. Don’t bring your past “mistakes” into your new relationship, this is also seen as an excuse, no matter what the situation, abuse, hurt, financial suffering, don’t bring it up. Anything can be over come and worked through with time talk to your partner about this, than leave it in the past, don’t keep using it as a crutch hold in your future. Man or woman up, admit when you make a mistake, and try to make it better next time. Your spouse will notice.
Don’t always ask for validation. Validation is important, but learn to get by without it, even if you desperately want it. You may have just gotten your wife an amazing gift, and for whatever reason, she’s not especially grateful; trust that she appreciates your effort and the present, and don’t dwell on the lack of validation. Trust your partner to be by him/herself. Unless there’s a history of infidelity, trust your partner to make responsible, loving decisions in your absence. If they’re out for beers with friends, or at a bachelorette party, trust them. They’ll be surprisingly likely to honor your trust if you actually extend it.
Think about the last time your spouse made you smile. What did s/he do to make you feel like you were the luckiest person in the world? Is there anything that you can do that might make them feel the same way back to you? Go the extra mile for them. The modern world has made us busy; we’re constantly doing stuff, and we never seem to have enough time to do it. Can you go out of your way to help your spouse do something that they need to do, that they dislike doing, or merely something they’d appreciate?[8] X Research source Get the oil changed in her car; press or iron his shirts before a big day at work or an interview; help in the kitchen so the two of you can enjoy the evening together. Buy a gift certificate and urge her to go shopping with her girlfriends; help do the lawn, clean the gutters, or prune the trees.
