For example, you could say, “I really need you to respect that I want to be left alone for the first hour I’m awake. I’m not a morning person and I’ll be in a much better mood if I have that alone time as soon as I wake up. ”
For instance, you could say, “I really enjoy spending time with you. However, I also need time to myself and to spend with others outside of you, like my friends and family. It’s nothing against you. I just also want to see them, as well. ” You may want to reconsider the relationship if they can’t accept what you need. [1] X Research source
For instance, you may feel pressure from your partner to say “I love you” even if you aren’t ready. Tell them how you feel about them and that you haven’t reached that point yet. Let them know you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you also don’t want to lie to them. You shouldn’t have to say anything you don’t want to in order to make a relationship work. [2] X Research source
Be clear and direct about what you are and aren’t willing to do. For example, you might find a certain way of cuddling uncomfortable on your back, or there might be some sexual expressions you don’t feel comfortable with. It may be time to move on if your partner can’t respect these boundaries. [3] X Research source
Trying saying, “I enjoy being in a relationship with you, but I’m not willing to allow you to tell me what I can and cannot do. I respect you enough not to treat you that way, and I expect you to do the same. ” They may initially become upset, but if they want to make the relationship work, they will respect your boundaries. [4] X Research source Make sure to give them the benefit of the doubt. It is not fair to hold something against your partner if you have never before expressed your needs in that area. [5] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 December 2020.
As you discuss your boundaries with your partner, provide some reasonable repercussions for when they break them. This might sound like “If you invade my privacy, I will be less likely to share things with you in the future” or “If you are disrespectful to me, I will cease communication with you. " Some consequences might be presented as final outcomes while others are communicated through warnings. Just be sure to actually follow through and enforce your consequences. When you enforce your consequences, check in to make sure the other person understood they crossed a line. [7] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 December 2020.
For example, if you have a relative who always expects you to have Thanksgiving dinner at your home, you could say, “I really like that you feel comfortable in my home and like to celebrate Thanksgiving here. Unfortunately, it’s a lot of work and I don’t think I’ll be able to do it this year. However, I’d love to help you if you want to host it at your place. ” Saying this sets up a clear boundary, but also won’t ruffle too many feathers as you are volunteering to help out. [8] X Research source
When a relative is thickly laying on the guilt, try saying, “I understand where you are coming from. However, I don’t appreciate you trying to guilt me into doing something I don’t want to do. I am only willing to help as much as I feel comfortable with. If you continue, I won’t help at all. ” While you are being stern, you are also staying respectful. You are also letting them know that you expect the same kind of respect. [9] X Research source
For instance, you could tell them you would like them to call before they stop by. You could also tell them that some parts of your life, such as your personal life, are off-limits. Also let them know that you won’t tolerate any negative comments about your choices in life, who you are dating, your appearance, or anything else. Setting these clear boundaries may cause some backlash, but it will likely be worth it in the end. [10] X Research source
For instance, you can say, “You can come over, but only for a few hours because I have things I need to do. ” Or, you can tell your friend, “We can talk about your ex for 15 minutes. After that, I would like to talk to you about what’s going on in my life. ” You’re still there for them, but you’re also not subjecting yourself to only what they want. [11] X Research source
For example, if your friend always bums a ride, you could say, “I don’t mind taking you places, but I’ll need some gas money if this is going to continue. ” Or, if you have a pal who always asks you to babysit their kids but never wants to watch yours, say, “Sure, I’ll babysit, if you watch my kids next weekend. ” You’re still helping, but you’re creating a clear boundary that shows you would like some help, too. [12] X Research source
Offer a warning about boundary violations to let your friend know when they occur. You might say, “Hey, you stood me up last night and that wasn’t cool. I’ll stop making plans with you if this happens again. "
You could say, “I feel like our relationship is one-sided. I won’t be able to continue putting all I have into our friendship if you don’t do the same for me. ” Be prepared to give examples of what you’re talking about, and to possibly lose that “friend. ” Chances are they weren’t worth your time in the first place. [14] X Research source
