If you have to enter your location, keep it as general as possible. List the general area rather than the city. Never put down your full address. Some sites allow you to organize your friends list into groups. You can then set the privacy controls so that only the people in those groups can see the other members.
If you don’t understand the way the privacy settings work, talk to a friend who can help explain them to you and get things set up the way you want. Most social media platforms allow you to view your profile the way a stranger would, so you can ensure you’re not revealing more information than you want.
Look at their friends list. If you have any friends in common, contact them and ask how they know the person and if they’ve ever met them in real life. Do an image search of them to see if they appear elsewhere on the internet. If someone’s trying to pretend to be someone else, they may intend to harm you. Look at how they interact with their friends or followers. You can usually tell by these interactions whether they actually know each other in person.
This can be a delicate balance. If they’re being safe, they won’t reveal any personal information either. This can make it difficult to look into their background, but try to respect that they have the same privacy concerns you do.
You don’t want the person to know too much about you until you’ve met them in person at least two or three times. Keep conversations focused on common outside interests, such as music or movies. Avoid talking too much about your own life or your thoughts and feelings.
If the person says something that bothers you, mention it directly. Be honest, and don’t allow them to think you’re okay with something when you’re not. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person about something that’s bothering you, that is a red flag and indicates that this person isn’t the best friend for you.
Often you will feel more comfortable in a place where you’ve been several times, especially if you’re anxious about meeting this person for the first time. Ideally, you still want a place that you don’t frequent often. If things don’t work out, you don’t want to risk running into that person again. Try to meet during the day, if possible. If you’re both only available in the evening, choose a place that’s fairly busy at the time you’re planning to meet.
If the person can’t video chat with you, ask them to take a selfie holding a sign with particular words on it. This can assure you that they aren’t pulling photos off the internet. If you’ve developed a friendship to the point where you want to meet in person, they shouldn’t have any problems doing this. If they refuse or make excuses, it could be a red flag.
Bring someone who knows the area, especially if you’re meeting the person further away from home, or in an unfamiliar part of town.
If you do decide to drink, order a single drink with a low alcohol content, such as a light beer, and some water. Sip slowly, alternating between the beer and the water.
Referring back to a conversation you had online can help make both of you more comfortable. You’ll be able to link the person in front of you to the conversations you had before. For example, you might say “I remember you telling me that Radiohead was your favorite band. Did you hear that they’re playing a concert here in a few months?”
A short meeting gives the two of you the opportunity to sniff each other out and figure out if there’s any connection in person as there is online. Make a commitment with another friend so you have an easy out if the person tries to convince you to come somewhere else with them. If they do try to invite you somewhere else, pay attention to where. A predatory person might try to lure you to a more private or out-of-the-way location.
Be extra-cautious if you have a drink. Inspect the drink for any tampering upon your return.
Keep your second meeting around 20 to 30 minutes; it’s okay if it goes a little longer, however. Work your way up to a longer meeting. For example, you can share a meal together or go for a walk.
If you feel that you need to leave, do it – especially if you feel like your personal safety is in jeopardy. Go to the restroom and call a nearby friend to help you. You also may be able to talk to someone who works at the place where you met. Explain the situation to them and they may be able to help you.
If you have your own car, drive to the meeting and park as close as you can. Don’t go anywhere else where the person could isolate you from your transportation. Have a couple of options if you don’t have your own car or are relying on public transportation. For example, a taxi, Uber, or Lyft.
Keep your phone on your person at all times, either with the ringer on or on vibrate so you won’t miss this text or call. You also can get a friend to drop by and act as though the two of you just ran into each other. Only do this if both of you are able to act through the situation.
If you report their behavior to the website or app, you may be able to get them banned. You also have the option of blocking them so that they cannot contact you again.
