It’s still normal to feel hurt when your child calls you a name, but recognizing the real cause of the behavior can help you handle the situation calmly.

If you try to discipline your child while you’re angry, you’ll probably just take your feelings out on them, which can be harmful for both of you. If you feel triggered by what they say, just remember that you are in control of your own behavior. Don’t take out your own insecurities on your child.

Don’t laugh or act shocked, even if your child calls you something surprising or funny. Your child wants a reaction from you. If you give it to them, they may continue calling you names in the future. Say something like, “Toby, we do not call each other stupid in this house. ”

You could say, “I know you’re sad that we have to go home now. You were having fun at the playground, weren’t you?”

For instance, say, “I feel sad when you say things like that to me. Do you remember when Ellie called you names last week? You felt sad then, too. ”

For example, you could say, “It’s okay to tell me that you’re feeling really mad at me right now. If you’re too mad to talk, you can go into your room and play with your trains until you calm down. ”

For instance, say, “I’m proud of you for telling me how you feel. That was very grown-up of you. ”

If you accidentally let an unkind name slip, call out your own behavior and apologize. Say, “I shouldn’t have said that, even though I’m upset right now. I’m sorry. ”

If you have a particularly good teachable moment in one of your interactions, talk about it with your child afterwards. For instance, say something like, “Did you notice how your older sister and I talked to each other earlier? We had a disagreement, but we didn’t get mad or call each other names. ”

For instance, say, “I’m feeling upset that the refrigerator broke, so I’m going to step outside for a minute to calm down. When I come back, maybe we can talk about some other good things to do when we’re upset. ” It’s important to teach your child self-soothing skills when they feel negative emotions. For example, have them label their feelings so they get used to being more aware of them. Have your child point out their feelings on a mood thermometer, which you can find at https://www. speechandlanguagekids. com/calming-children-self-calming-strategies/.