For example, you might include personality traits on this list, such as kindness, open-mindedness, and intelligence. You might also include skills, such as being able to type 80 words per minute, having good problem solving skills, or speaking another language. Your strengths might also include accomplishments, such as having a high school diploma, earning a raise at work, or winning an award from your school for community service. List any and everything that is a strength of yours.
When you have an emotion, do not ignore it. Instead, take a moment to acknowledge it, such as by asking yourself, “What am I feeling?” For example, if someone has said something insulting to you, then you might be feeling hurt or angry. After you have identified your emotion, figure out what you think you need to do about it. You can do this by asking yourself, “What do I need?” If you are feeling hurt or angry because of something someone said to you, then you might need to get away from the person for a while or confront the person for insulting you. Practice identifying your feelings and needs every time you experience an emotion. With repetition, acknowledging your emotions and acting on them in a constructive way should become easier.
Specific. The goal should be clear. What exactly do you want to accomplish? Who else is involved in the goal? How are you going to do it? Measurable. You should be able to measure your goal, such as with numbers. Attainable. The goal should be something that you can realistically accomplish in the time frame you have given yourself. Relevant. The goal should pertain to a larger objective. For example, if your larger goal is to lose 20 pounds, then a relevant sub-goal of that would be to exercise for 30 minutes five days every week. Time-based. There should be a specific time frame for completing the goal. You might set a date or a number of days to accomplish your goal.
To forgive yourself, you could try writing a letter to yourself as a compassionate friend. What might a friend say to make you feel better? How might he or she talk to you? You might also speak to yourself in the mirror to offer forgiveness. Try telling yourself something like, “What happened is upsetting, and you are entitled to feel upset about it, but I want to move forward. I forgive you for what happened. ”
To fake high self-esteem, try imagining someone who seems like he or she loves and accepts his or herself. How might that person behave in your situation? What might that person do or say? Try acting like this self-esteem role model until you start to really feel accepting towards yourself.
Some good strategies to use include deep breathing, yoga, and meditation. Try using a relaxation technique to calm yourself whenever you start to feel like you are losing control of your emotions.
The next time you are with someone who is visibly upset, try reminding yourself that the person’s feelings are his or her own. You might tell yourself something like, “I am not responsible for his/her feelings. ”[9] X Research source
Try reminding yourself that your time, energy, and desires matter. If you do not want to do something or if you don’t have time, then you have the right to say no. [11] X Research source Avoid offering excuses or apologizing when you say “no. ” Just keep it simple. Try saying something like, “No, I can’t do that. ”
Try to work on validating yourself rather than seeking the approval of others. For example, if you earn a promotion, then congratulate yourself for it rather than calling up someone else right away. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “You did it! I am so proud of you!” You might also try keeping a record of your accomplishments as a self-validation exercise. Every time you succeed at something, make a note of it in your journal. You might even write yourself a brief congratulations in the journal to mark the accomplishment.
If someone is going on and on about an accomplishment, then you might acknowledge the person and then try changing the subject. For example, you could say something like, “That’s awesome! Good for you! I accomplished some pretty awesome stuff this week too! Hey, did you catch the local news last night?” If the person continues to talk about themselves and their accomplishments, then try excusing yourself. Say something like, “It has been nice talking with you, but I have to run. Have a great day!”
For example, if you are playing golf with the person and you notice that he or she is using the wrong type of club for a shot, then you might say something like, “That club is great for long shots, but you might find this shot a little easier if you use this club instead. ” Don’t criticize the person for the sake of criticizing. For example, don’t say mean or rude things like, “That dress makes you look fat,” or “Your presentation was a train wreck. ” Make sure that you always have something helpful to say if you decide to offer constructive criticism to the person.
Exercising, such as kickboxing, running, or cycling. Journaling about your angry feelings. Engaging in a creative activity such as painting, knitting, or cooking.
For example, if the person is a coworker who often divulges personal information that makes you uncomfortable, then you have the right to tell this person to stop sharing these things with you. Try saying something like, “I am not comfortable with this conversation. Can we talk about something else?” Remind yourself that you have a right to tell other people what is and is not acceptable to you. Don’t let guilt or fear stop you from making your boundaries known.
Refusing to speak first to see what you will say and to use it to read you. Using a home court advantage such as requiring you to meet them at their home or office. Using facts and statistics to overwhelm you and make you feel like you are wrong. Speaking in a loud voice or yelling to overpower you. Forcing you to make a decision on the spot. Making fun of you to make you feel less powerful or capable. Judging or criticizing you. Giving you the silent treatment. Pretending not to know what you are talking about. Playing the victim, such as by faking or exaggerating health issues or even blaming you for their unhappiness.
seems to live in a fantasy world where he or she has unlimited power, ideal love, beauty, or success. claims to be special or important and only wishes to associate with other people who he or she deems special or important. behaves in an arrogant way, such as by making rude remarks or commenting about being superior to other people.
For example, the person might purposely talk about accomplishments, small or large, and he or she might sulk if you do not provide the praise that he or she desires.
Exploiting or taking advantage of other people. Not empathizing or considering other people’s feelings. [21] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 Aug 2020. Envying other people or accusing other people of being envious of them.
