Once you feel emotions well up, try slowly counting down from ten while taking deep breaths. By consciously breathing in and out, you’ll allow air to flow into your system, which creates a chemical change that helps calm your body’s anxious response. . Do your best to avoid escalating the situation with a screaming match. Whenever you’re discussing with your partner, always focus on talking in the first person, without accusations. Grounding exercises can also help you calm down in the moment. The “54321” technique is a good idea. Take a few minutes to calm yourself by seeing five things, touching four things, hearing three things, touching two things and tasting one thing.

You might ask things like “Why do you need a separate account?” or “What is the separate account for?” You may find that a separate account simply helps your spouse manage their money better. However, it may also be a sign of larger problems in your relationship.

Make eye contact. Use facial expressions and head nods to indicate that you are listening. You can also try paraphrasing. For example, “I hear you saying that you want a little financial independence. Is that right?” When you do active listening, you’re focusing more of your attention on your partner. It’s not only listening, it’s also binding.

Try writing about why you are offended or hurt by this to gain a better understanding of your feelings. For example, you may be harboring negative feelings of inferiority if your spouse makes more money than you do.

You might say things like “This new account really worries me” or “I’m hurt that you’d open this account without talking to me. ” Lack of communication is one of the biggest challenges in relationships. The longer you spend without really saying how you’re feeling, the more upset you will be.

For example, pick a time a few days after your initial discussion to revisit the subject. If you are still upset about the separate account, you might want to meet at home to avoid creating a scene in public. You might say something like “Can we talk about this more tomorrow?” or “I think that we need to talk about this more in the future. ”

You should ask your partner things like “What things do we want to save for?” and “How much should we save for retirement?”

For example, once a month, make time to meet with your partner and just talk about your finances.

For example, after you have been paid but before you pay your major bills, you and your spouse should set a time to manage your resources each month. There are helpful free digital tools available for managing finances, such as Budget Pulse. [6] X Research source

Although the accounts may be separate, you should consider putting both of your names on the accounts in case one of you becomes incapacitated.

However, it is important that you manage this transparency responsibly. Try not to become too critical of your partner’s personal spending habits or attempt to control how they spend their money. As long as they are not affecting your shared income, you should still respect their autonomy. If your partner is too critical or controlling about how you manage your individual finances, let them know that you are capable of making your own decisions. Say something like “I can take care of myself” or “I’d appreciate it if you’d trust me. ”

For example, if your shared expenses are $2,000, make sure that you and your partner each contribute $1,000 from your personal accounts. If one of your makes more money than the other, the person who makes more may need to pay a larger portion of the shared expenses. Talk about this to avoid any resentments or hard feelings.

For example, if your partner gets a bonus, you may decide to keep half of the money in your partner’s account and put the rest in your joint savings account.

For example, if you have a remaining balance of $100 in your personal account at the end of the month, deposit it in your shared savings account.