You may hear people making excuses for doing or saying certain things. Sometimes, the excuse might sound very flimsy. Instead of believing the excuse, assume that the person did it because they wanted to. If you want to persuade someone, don’t focus on logical reasons. Focus on making an emotional impact. If someone says they are only motivated by logic, it may just be that they don’t have much self awareness, and don’t understand how their emotions impact them.
A man who yells too much will probably continue yelling too much unless he gets a serious wake-up call about how his behavior affects other people. A woman who eats healthy will probably continue eating healthy, unless something serious in her life changes. A person who wakes up early every day will probably keep waking up early every day. A child who often forgets their homework will probably keep forgetting their homework, until someone figures out a strategy to help them keep track of it.
You can help lead them towards a realization, but you can’t make them believe in something or commit to something. They have to do this themselves. You are not responsible for them.
A cranky parent might need a new job that doesn’t cause them so much stress. A seriously disorganized teen might suddenly do more homework if a parent sits with them every afternoon to help, or if they get treatment for ADHD. A sullen child might need more praise and one-on-one time from attentive parents, and then become more upbeat and talkative. An emotionally distant girlfriend might need her boyfriend to listen to her more and validate her feelings.
Asking “How can I help you?” can sometimes calm an angry or upset person. People tend to behave better when they are praised for doing well. Punishments are less effective than some positive words or a reward.
Tackling the stressor can often help them return to better decision-making.
Books, movies, and TV for young people often focus on teaching social skills. Pay attention to any lessons in the media that could teach you something.
Where are they facing? People tend to look at, and turn towards, what they’re interested in. For instance, eye contact is an incredibly telling form of non-verbal communication. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source What do they look at? People usually look at what they’re thinking about. For example, someone who keeps looking at the clock is probably thinking about the time and what they need to do next. }} Is their body language mostly open or closed? Relaxed, open body language is a sign that a person feels comfortable. If they’re using arms, legs, or objects like a “barrier,” then they’re probably uncomfortable. (Though sometimes, crossed arms can mean that they’re just cold. )
Try to assume the best of other people if you don’t understand yet. For example, instead of thinking “my new boss must be an overbearing jerk,” try telling yourself “maybe she’s just talkative, and didn’t realize she was interrupting me. " Remember that context is important. Do not try to make assumptions based only on your reading of the other person’s body language. [3] X Research source
People tend to open up more if you validate their feelings and say things like “that’s understandable” or “that sounds tough; I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. " It can also help them feel better if they’re upset.
For example, if your friend gets distracted by a display at an art supply store when the two of you are at the mall, make note of what caught her interest. She may be delighted if you buy her something similar to that for her next birthday. If your boyfriend turned quiet and looked uneasy when your friend told him details about a medical procedure, then you’ll know he probably wouldn’t enjoy watching a medical drama.
What scares them? What puts them on edge? What is important to them? What do they want to protect?
What are their favorite memories? Their favorite memories can reveal what they care about, and what they want out of life. What are the worst things that happened to the person? Whether the events were just upsetting or seriously traumatic, the person will probably try to avoid similar experiences in the future.
Culture: Different cultures have different social norms. For example, eye contact is considered polite in most western cultures, but considered a sign of disrespect or aggression in some eastern cultures. Gender: Men are often expected to be tough, and to avoid showing emotions besides anger. Women are often expected to be passive and easy to get along with. Watch how the person navigates gender expectations. Disability: People with some disabilities (like autism and ADHD) have different body language, such as avoiding eye contact or fidgeting when listening. This is a way to meet their needs, not an attempt to be rude. [5] X Research source
“I noticed you checking the time. Do you need to leave?” “I saw you wince when he raised his voice. Are loud voices something that bother you?” “I’m having a hard time reading you right now. Is something upsetting you, or am I misreading you?”
