You may think about your reasons before talking to your partner. Have a few good, valid reasons for bringing up the idea so you are prepared for the discussion. For example, you may say, “Listen, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and what would you think about being polyamorous? I love you and want to be with you, but I also think it may be healthy for us to open up the relationship and see other people. "
For example, you may say, “We can decide how our polyamorous relationship works” or “We would work together to make polyamory work for us. "
For example, you may say to your partner, “I appreciate you being honest with me. Let’s work on our relationship together, as a monogamous couple” or “I understand that you are not comfortable with the idea of polyamorous. Can we talk more about the status of our relationship?”
For example, you may agree to tell your partner whatever they’d like to know about your other partners, from their name to their profession to how often you are going to see them. You may both also agree to be open to meeting other partners and interacting with other partners as a couple, and as individuals. If you are not in a committed relationship, you should still establish clear rules with your other partners. Outline them with each partner so you stay honest and open with each other.
Keep in mind if you grow uncomfortable with this policy, you can always sit down with your partners and discuss being more open with this information.
For example, you may agree to say to potential partners early in the relationship, “I want you to know before we go further that I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my primary partner. This means we are open to being with other people and maintaining multiple relationships. ” Or you may say, “I want you to know I’m polyamorous. This means I am intimate with other people at once and am not monogamous with one person. ” You may then outline the rules and guidelines you have established so they are aware of what they are getting into. Make sure your other partners know that you are not going to want to be monogamous with them at any point in the relationship.
For example, you and your primary partner may agree to only have other relationships that are sexually fulfilling. The emotional aspects of a relationship may be limited to just you and your primary partner. Or, you and your primary partner may agree to have other relationships that are sexual and emotional in nature.
Some polyamorous people will keep the boundaries loose and open to encourage their other partners to feel welcome and part of their lives. Others may maintain strict boundaries and then loosen them over time. Do what feels right for you and your partners.
You can share a main calendar online with your partners so you can all communicate and organize the schedule together. This will keep things transparent and honest.
You may also try to spread out your time equally among each partner. For example, you may alternate weekends with different partners or have certain days of the week where you only spend time with one particular partner.
For example, you may arrange a night out on the town with one partner who likes to be social and go out. You may then arrange a night in and take out with another partner who prefers to hang out at home. Do your best to spend quality time with each partner. Sometimes it can be stressful, and expensive, to go all out all the time when you are seeing multiple people. Try to make the time with each partner feel meaningful to you both.
For example, you may introduce your partners to one another at a party or a social gathering. Or you may introduce them more formally to your primary partner by bringing them to your home. Make sure you talk to your primary partner first to make sure they are comfortable being around your other partners before you introduce them.
You should be prepared for your partner’s jealousy as well, as they may experience jealousy over your other partners. If you are really struggling with these feelings, consider telling your primary partner, or other partners, about it. Discussing it openly may help you accept and move past your feelings.
For example, you may feel compersion when you see your primary partner being appreciated by another partner in a loving way. Or you may feel compersion when you see one of your partners being given affection in a positive way by another partner.
Being sex positive also means communicating when you do not want to be sexual or participate in activities you do not desire. You should also respect the sexual boundaries of others and not force your partners to do anything they do not want to do.
Be open and upfront about practicing safe sex with your partners. Make it one of the main things you discuss with your partners before being intimate with them so you can all be safe and have healthy sexual relationships.
