For instance, you might want to speak up in class more often or feel less tense when you talk to your coworkers.
You might want to keep a notebook where you jot down your interactions and how you felt at the time. Having a record of your progress can encourage you to keep going. Many people with social anxiety and AVPD get stuck on this step. It takes determination to force yourself to do something you really don’t want to do. Keep your goals in mind, and believe in your own ability to change.
Try telling yourself something like, “It’s normal to feel nervous,” or, “I’m doing fine, and I’ll be glad I did this later. ”
Consider telling your close friends or family members that you’re trying to become less avoidant. They may be willing to help you practice your social skills and get out of the house more.
For instance, if you’re into rock climbing, invite some people from work to go check out the new climbing gym in town with you.
For instance, you might be in the habit of telling yourself things like, “Nobody likes me, so I might as well not even try to make friends,” or, “Everyone will see that I’m nervous, and it will be embarrassing. ”
People with AVPD often experience the following cognitive distortions: All-or-nothing thinking. “If I’ll never become the life of the party, why even bother trying?” Catastrophizing. “I tripped over my words talking to that person. They think I’m a weirdo now. ” Blaming others. “If other people weren’t so shallow and judgmental, I wouldn’t feel this way. ” Ignoring evidence that doesn’t support a negative self-image. “I made a new friend, but I’m still nervous in public, so that doesn’t change anything. ”
For example, you could reframe the thought “I’m really boring” as “I don’t like being in the spotlight, but there’s nothing wrong with that. ”
Visualize the scene in as much detail as you can. Make sure to imagine yourself staying calm and confident throughout the interaction. If you’re stressed out as you visualize, it could make the real interaction even worse. Visualization works because it trains your brain to react differently to certain stimuli.
AVPD often co-occurs with other anxiety disorders, depression, borderline personality disorder, and dependent personality disorder. If you have a co-existing condition, it’s important to get treatment for that as well.
As a person with AVPD, individual therapy may be difficult for you, and that’s okay. Try to remember that a therapist will be looking out for your best interest, and will not reject you. If you have doubts, try to give therapy a chance before you dismiss it. Your therapy will most likely entail Graduated Exposure and/or Skills Training strategies, which both fall under cognitive behavior therapy. These approaches help with facing fear of rejection and criticism, difficulty with interpersonal communication, and more.
Most of the time, when therapy doesn’t help someone with AVPD, it’s because they stopped going prematurely.
You can also look for a support group that meets in your area.
