Start with your own family members. Do you have a habit of half-listening when your partner or child tells you about his or her day? Put down your phone or tablet, face the person who’s talking and look him or her in the eye. Part of being observant is being a good listener. If you tend to breeze into your workplace every morning, saying “hello” without bothering to make eye contact, start taking a different approach. Stop and talk with your boss or coworker for several minutes, giving them your complete attention. You’ll notice so much more this way. Walking down the street, riding the subway or moving through any public setting gives you the opportunity to practice being observant. Don’t just look right through people - look at them. Notice them. What do you see?
If you walk into a party and are immediately concerned with finding the coolest person to talk to, getting to the bar ASAP or finding the closest exit, you’re not giving your brain the space to observe people. Take a step back and let yourself focus on other people (you’ll have a better time that way, too). When you’re talking to someone face to face and you’re worried about whether your lipstick’s on straight and how your laugh sounds, you aren’t being observant. Don’t worry about yourself; focus on the other person - you’ll learn a lot more that way.
Don’t stare. People will notice that something’s up if you keep looking them up and down. Even if your brain is entirely focused on someone, make sure your eyes flick away when appropriate. Be inconspicuous if you’re trying to observe someone from afar. If you’re at a party, for example, don’t stand in a dark corner tracking the person your’e interested in observing. Or if you do decide to be a fly on the wall instead of participating, make sure you’re in a spot where no one will happen upon you and decide that you’re being creepy.
You might notice the expression on your coworker’s face when she walks down an empty hallway, for example. Pay attention to how people look after they’re finished with a conversation, during that break when they have a moment to themselves. Sit on a park bench or at a cafe table with an open newspaper in front of you, and take time to look around at others around you.
For example, if you and your friends are out to dinner and one friend announces she just got a raise of work, observe other people’s reactions. Someone who waits a beat before expressing congratulations might not be overjoyed to hear the news; could jealousy be at play?
If someone says “yes” while shaking his or her head, that can indicate the answer is actually “no. " If someone refuses to make eye contact, they’re probably uncomfortable. (It’s a common misconception that lack of eye contact is an indication of lying; actually, the opposite is true. ) If someone leans back or away while talking, that can indicate the person is stressed out or afraid. If someone crosses his or her arms, that usually means he or she is feeling uncomfortable with a situation. If someone’s hunched over or has bad posture, a confidence issue might be the reason. If someone taps his or her feet, anxiety or impatience might be at play. If a woman touches her throat, she might be feeling vulnerable. [1] X Research source If a man strokes his chin, he might be feeling anxious. [2] X Research source
If you find that you have a lot of room for improvement in this area, practice focusing on defining people’s emotions. For example, when someone smiles, don’t automatically assume “happy. " Look for subtleties that can help you find the deeper, truer emotion. Is the person smiling with his or her entire face (including the eyes) or just the mouth? The former might be an indicator of elation, while the latter might be an indicator of mile amusement. Studies show that reading more literary fiction can help you develop greater empathy[4] X Research source , which results in a greater power of observation.
People who whisper or speak quietly may be shy or have low confidence. Nervousness is often expressed through faster speech. People tend to speak at a slightly higher pitch than normal when they’re lying. When people want to assert dominance, they speak at a slightly lower register.
When someone’s breath quickens, it could indicate that they’re feeling nervous or stressed out about the topic at hand. Heavy breathing may be a sign of health problems. It could also mean they’re feeling attracted to someone - possibly you . . .
First take note of the obvious: a person wearing an expensive business suit is probably a white collar worker; a person wearing a cross around her neck is probably Christian; a person sporting a Grateful Dead t-shirt and Birkenstocks is probably a hippie - you get the picture. Look more closely for details about a person’s life: the white hairs coating the cuffs of your coworker’s black pants. The dried mud caked on the bottom of someone’s shoes. A person’s nails bitten to the quick. A receding hairline masked with a careful combover. What do these subtle details add up to?
If you’re people watching, it can be fun to make up stories about people. That man you see riding the train every morning - what’s his background? Based on what he wears and where he gets off the train, what can you deduce? It’s fun to use your imagination to try to figure out where people are coming from, but if you really want to understand people, you need to find out if you’re right.
For instance, if you observe that someone begins to talk faster and sweat when you ask her about her future plans, why do you think she reacts in this way? Could she be anxious about failing at something she’s trying to achieve? Might she be lying about something? Narrow your theory down by asking pointed questions or observing the person more carefully. Put the pieces together. Once you have a theory in mind, determine whether your other observations support it.
Let’s say you’ve been noticing that your friend smiles broadly when he’s talking to you, his pupils often look dilated, and his hands tend to get a little sweaty. (Plus he wears blue every day because you told him it looks good with his eyes, and he waits for you in the afternoons after class). You’ve taken the evidence into account and concluded that your friend is nursing a crush on you. Determine if your deduction is correct by flirting with him and observing his response - or you could just ask him if he has feelings for you.
