Make a list of all the things that you like about yourself and another of things you’d like to improve. You can ask friends and family to help you build your list, since they may think of things you might not. Think of specific steps you can take to improve, for example: “Sometimes I overreact and snap at other people. Every time someone makes a statement, I should pause before responding and think about what to say before saying it. ” Keep this list somewhere you will see it often, such as on your mirror or closet door. Read over it at least once every day. Accept things about yourself that you can’t change. For example, you might wish you were taller, but that’s not something you can change. Instead of focusing on why you wish you were tall, try to think of little things that are nice about being shorter, like the fact that you’ll bump your head less. Try to think of things about yourself that other people would likely envy and want to replicate.
For example, if you want to be more confident when having conversations, break the goal into small parts: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when they make a point, ask them questions, and offer honest responses based on your own experiences. If an outcome doesn’t turn out according to plan, try to learn from it instead of getting embarrassed. Write down what you would do differently next time to help solidify what you have learned. Remember that everything is a learning process and that no one is great at everything, especially on the first attempt.
Do your best to notice when you start to overthink or second guess yourself. Tell yourself, “Stop over-analyzing. Calm down and don’t worry. ” Self-reflection and learning from your mistakes are good things, provided you focus on positive growth instead of negative overthinking.
For example, suppose someone says that you have a bad temper. If you’ve barely interacted with them and they don’t know you at all, brush off their judgment. However, if they’re a classmate or coworker who spends a lot of time with you, consider why they think you have a temper. Work on developing strategies for keeping your cool, like counting while slowly breathing when you start feeling angry.
For example, your good friend might say, “You seem to be disconnected lately - you don’t seem like yourself. ” That’s a judgment you’d want to take to heart. On the other hand, you’d want to just brush it off if someone you don’t know well says, “You never pay attention - you’re so dumb!” Also, remember that petty judgements are usually meant to make the person feel better about themselves and not to hurt you. Consider if you can find some empathy for the person and their self-esteem issues.
For example, your parents might have an opinion about a news story. Instead of just agreeing with them because they’re your parents, you might search online to find articles on the subject from multiple news bureaus. After reading a few perspectives on the topic, you can form your own opinion based on what you’ve learned.
In addition to considering the source, think about its package: is someone informed about a subject speaking to you in a clear, thoughtful way? Or are they just hurling insults and criticizing your opinion just for the sake of disagreeing with you? You may also consider whether someone might have a personal motivation for feeling one way or another.
For example, if you prefer dogs over cats, don’t pretend to like cats more just to please your friends who think cats are better. You should form your own opinion, even if all of your friends prefer cats. It can be healthy to challenge your core beliefs, but you should avoid compromising them just for the sake of popularity. For instance, if you were raised in a religious tradition, you might find that a healthy dose of doubt will deepen your faith in the long run. But that doesn’t mean you should change your beliefs just because someone criticizes them out of ignorance. [8] X Research source Also, keep in mind that it is okay to disagree with people. You can express your opinion in a non-challenging manner and listen respectfully to their opinion as well. However, it is important to consider your goal for the conversation before moving forward.
Try to think of what really makes you who you are. Write down a list of character traits that are important to you, like honesty, loyalty, or humor. You can also ask trustworthy friends and family members to help you think of things. Spend some quiet time reflecting on your traits, talents, and favorite things. Try to develop an appreciation for what makes you a unique individual.
Do not feel like you have to defend yourself or your values to other people!
For example, if you find that you love to mix and match patterns in your wardrobe, don’t be afraid to wear what you love just because of what one person might think. Decorate your apartment or room with knick-knacks that have sentimental value, even if someone suggests you should use trendier items or go for a more minimal look. On the other hand, skip out on decorative objects altogether if you can’t stand clutter. Just go with whatever will make your space most livable for you.
Signature items like a particular piece of jewelry, scarves, funky hats, or pattern can also help put a unique stamp on your style. Think of a specific item or aesthetic element that makes you happy and expresses something you love about yourself. For example, if you love sailing or boats, maybe an anchor necklace and bold nautical stripes would be a unique touch. [13] X Research source
While it’s great to dress in a way that expresses your individuality, remember to consider degrees of appropriateness for every situation. Dressing professionally or in accordance with the dress code at work will probably earn you more respect than wearing a tee shirt and ripped jeans. [15] X Research source
You can also unfollow or unfriend people who are judgmental, rude, or who make you feel bad about yourself.
