If you find yourself feeling anxious or sad about something that happened, take a few moments to mindfully reflect on what you are thinking and feeling. For example, “I’m really angry about the way my ex broke up with me. When I think about her, I feel tense and frustrated. ” You might find it helpful to write down your feelings. Putting your feelings and thoughts into words can make them feel more manageable and help you pinpoint exactly what’s bothering you. [2] X Research source
After a loss or any other difficult experience, you will probably have ups and downs. Don’t be discouraged if you start to feel better one day, only to find yourself struggling again the next. This is a normal part of the healing process.
Concentrate on whatever specific thing you need to be doing in the moment. [5] X Research source For example, if you’re having trouble getting your day started, say to yourself, “Okay, time to eat some breakfast. ” Don’t worry about what comes next until you have gotten breakfast out of the way.
Owning your own feelings isn’t the same as excusing someone else’s actions. You can recognize that someone else acted in a hurtful or inappropriate way towards you while also acknowledging that your feelings and reactions are your own. If you find yourself thinking, “What John did made me so sad,” try rewording it as, “I felt so sad when John treated me that way. ”
For example, if your last relationship ended because you and your partner didn’t have enough in common, you might focus on looking for more compatible people in your future relationships.
Looking at your memories from an “observer” perspective helps give you space from your feelings about what happened. You can also try thinking of yourself as “he/she/they” or “you” instead of “I” when reflecting on a past hurt. For example, instead of “My boss yelled at me in front of everyone,” try “Melanie’s boss yelled at her in front of everyone. ”
Researchers have found that even the most devastating of events—such as the death of a loved one—can feel less distressing if you imagine how you will feel from a far-future perspective.
Ask your doctor to recommend a therapist. If you’re a minor, talk to your parents or another trusted adult about what you are going through, and ask if they can help you find a counselor.
Start by pinpointing the areas where you feel stuck, then try to identify the reasons for that feeling. For example, “I’m lonely, but I’m hesitant to try dating again. Maybe it’s because my last breakup was so difficult, and I’m worried about getting hurt again. ”
For example, maybe you’d like to apply for a grant-writing job, but you’re afraid you won’t get it because you lack experience. Possible solutions might include taking grant-writing courses or applying for an internship.
For example, maybe you’d like to try acting, but you’re afraid to take a class because you think you’ll look foolish in front of your classmates. Try telling yourself, “Probably everyone in the class will be a beginner, like me. Everyone has to start somewhere, and we’ll all be making ourselves vulnerable together. ”
Instead of setting a big, vague goal like “Get a job as an artist,” try breaking that goal up into manageable mini-goals. For example, you might start by signing up for an oil-painting class at your local art studio.
When you’re trying something new, don’t give up right away if it doesn’t seem like it’s for you. Try committing to your new project for at least a month so that you have a chance to get comfortable and really get a sense of what it’s all about.
If you and someone you know are both working toward the same or similar goals, consider working together. You can hold each other accountable and cheer each other on.
For example, if you have a habit of staying up too late playing games on your phone, you might start by removing the games from your phone or using an app to block them at night. Replace the habit with a healthier bedtime routine, such as doing half an hour of meditation before bed.
If you can’t actually relocate to a new environment, try making changes in the environments where you live or work. For example, you might reorganize your desk or switch out the decorations in your bedroom. If your work or living areas are cluttered, take some time to tidy them up. Having a clean and well-organized environment can help clear your head and make you more productive. [18] X Research source
