If you often find your thoughts dwelling on your past relationship or things your former spouse would do, you are probably not ready for a new relationship. [2] X Research source If you are not truly over your past relationship, you might end up (consciously or unconsciously) entering a new relationship as a temporary distraction. Doing so will be unhealthy for you and the woman you date. Look for women with whom you are compatible to have a healthy, long-term relationship.
Choose a flattering but accurate picture of yourself. Don’t use blurry or old photos, and choose a picture in which you’re smiling. Describe your interests and personality. Be specific. For instance, don’t write that you like travel and movies; write instead that you enjoyed China and want to go back, and think Stanley Kubrick’s work is brilliant. Be wary when meeting women online. Always use caution when meeting people you do not know well or have not met in person.
Request your closest friends to keep an eye out for women you should meet. For instance, you might say to a friend, “It’s hard to meet women around here. If you know anyone I might be interested in, please let me know. ” If they know someone they think you’d get on well with, meet them for coffee or lunch along with your mutual friend. If things go well, ask the woman for their contact info and arrange a more private date. For instance, you might, at the end of a successful meet-up with your friend and his or her female acquaintance, say, “Well, this has been great. We should do this again next week. ” If you can get your friend to play along, hopefully they will suggest they are unavailable for meeting-up next week. That leaves the ball in the woman’s court. If she, too, indicates she is unavailable next week, leave it to her to suggest another occasion when you might meet either one-on-one or with your mutual friend.
For instance, if you’re at the grocery store and you and a woman are both checking out the freezer containing vegan pizza, chances are that you both share some very specific ideological viewpoints and (possibly) a set of similar interests. Chat her up about her interest in veganism and invite her over to share a tasty pizza pie. Don’t be shy. Meeting women outside of bars and the usual singles haunts can provide friendship, even if a romantic relationship doesn’t develop.
Another technique is to make the date an opportunity not to be missed. For instance, you might ask a woman out by inquiring, “Have you eaten at Tasty Sandwich Shop? It has an excellent lunch menu. ” She might reply, “No, I have not, but I’d like to. ” In this case, follow up with “Great, let’s go together. How about tomorrow at noon?” You don’t have to look at every opportunity to spend time with women as a date. Use the above examples to hang out with women you have only a platonic interest in as well. Be creative with your invitations for dates. Use your own circumstances and your knowledge of the woman in question to make the right invitation. Don’t be afraid of rejection. Sometimes people really can’t meet for any number of reasons. Don’t assume they’re just making an excuse. Wait for them to make a counter-offer, though, before making another pass. For instance, if one woman you’ve met says she has to go to class and can’t meet, wait for her to suggest an alternate date idea before asking her out again. At that point, she knows you’re interested and will reciprocate when and if she is ready.
The dissolution of your marriage may have felt like the end of the world, but those feelings don’t own you. Stay mindful of your feelings and practice emotion-focused coping. Emotion-focused coping is the strategy of acknowledging that you cannot change what happened, but you can change your reaction to it. In other words, accept that you’ve been through a divorce and feel bad about it, but remember that you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Look forward to happier tomorrows. [8] X Research source Try to avoid your ex. Talking to or otherwise interacting with them might reopen old wounds. If you find they’re on your mind, distract yourself by going for a jog or playing a game. Being in a happy relationship does not define you. Become happy and confident with yourself before you attempt another relationship.
Write a list of your good qualities and post it somewhere you’ll see it each day like your fridge. For instance, you might list qualities like “generous, caring, thoughtful,” and “intelligent” (among others) on your list. Share your list with a support group of friends or family to get a more objective view of yourself. Look at it when you wake each day. Make a list of new beliefs or affirmations you want to incorporate into your thinking. Read these new concepts or beliefs aloud after reading your list of positive qualities. For instance, you might make an affirmation list which reads, in part, “I am a good person and deserve to be happy,” and “I do not need to be married to have a full life. ” When you feel negative feelings or thoughts intruding, make yourself aware of them and push them away. Tell yourself they are not your real thoughts, and are thus empty of meaning.
Keep your home tidy and clean. Feeling organized and fresh will give you a positive energy and help you attract women, too.
Don’t wait too long before asking out women you’re interested in. Sometimes the mere act of going on a date – even one which ends miserably – can jump-start your feelings of independence and make you more comfortable with the notion of being single. [13] X Research source
One of the good things about dating your ex-wife is that you already know just what to say to make her interested in going out with you. Think about her favorite restaurants, bands, and activities, and inform her that you have tickets or reservations at the venue in question. Use your knowledge of her sense of humor when asking her out. For instance, if her favorite band is Great Band, you might jokingly say, “I’m pretty busy this weekend. I have two tickets to the Great Band concert on Saturday. Couldn’t find anyone to go with me. Oh, well! I’m going to make a ton of money scalping this extra ticket!” At that point, she will probably be very excited to go out with you again. If she is not, however, don’t feel too badly. She is probably just not at the stage where she feels comfortable dating you again. Be patient when attempting to date your ex.
Avoid extreme positions like “I will never ___” or exaggerated accusations like “You never/always ____. ” For instance, if your ex spends a lot at the grocery store, don’t say “You always spend too much on groceries we don’t need. ” Instead, explain in a clear, calm tone “I don’t think we should be spending so much on groceries, they always go bad before we can eat them all. ” While all relationships have both good and bad times, re-engineering your relationship with your ex requires that on balance, you have more good times than bad.
Couples often fall into certain communication styles or habits and have a hard time breaking them. Date your ex-spouse with an open mind and try to hear their point of view anew, as if for the first time. Since you and your ex have spend a significant amount of time apart, chances are you both have changed. Hear them out. Do not interrupt your spouse when they are critiquing you or offering advice. Listen to everything they have to say and speak only after they are done speaking.
