If your husband is going away, you can leave him love notes in his suitcase or in the pockets of his clothing. Try to put them in places where he will discover them at different times. If you are leaving home, hide things around the house for him to find. They can be notes or small mementos of your affection, like his favorite chocolate.
Share something personal about yourself during each phone call. For example, you might tell your husband about something interesting you noticed today or about an activity you would like to try. You can also remind your husband of all of the things you love about him. For example, you might tell him that he’s an excellent cuddler or that you love his laugh. While you may need to talk about household things, like bills or maintenance, be sure that they do no dominate the conversation. Balance them out by also talking about enjoyable topics. For example, you could tell your husband about a great movie that you saw, or you could discuss plans for a trip you plan to take together.
For example, you could play an online game together, watch the same movie while talking to each other, or even bring each other to important events via video conference. If you get the chance to see your husband periodically, make that time count. You may choose to do activities together or just relax together, but no matter what you do, make sure that you both enjoy the time you have together.
For example, you might send your husband videos or silly cards at times. Alternatively, you might recite a poem that you wrote for him the next time you speak on the phone. Try to be a little unpredictable!
Instead of complaining, try offering him some sweet compliments. For example, you might let him know that something he fixed before he left is working very well. This will make him realize how much you appreciate him, which will intensify his feelings for you. [6] X Research source If you are the one who is away from home, you could let him know that a joke he told you made you smile all day.
Avoid bombarding him with a to-do list if he is coming home from a long trip. Instead, take a few days to spend quality time together doing things you both enjoy. If your husband is coming home from a military deployment, consider throwing him a welcome home party or meeting him at the airport with a welcome home banner.
One of you will have to move out for this to work. If you have a friend or relative you can stay with, spend some time there. You can let your husband know that you hope the separation will only be temporary. Try this for about a month. This will give both of you adequate time to think about your relationship, and it will give him the time he needs to start missing you. It will be much easier to not contact your husband if you avoid checking up on him. You may want to unfollow him on social media so you won’t be tempted to comment on his status updates. Don’t ask mutual friends about how he is doing either.
In addition to making yourself more attractive to your husband, this will help you feel better about yourself. If the marriage doesn’t end up working out, you will be in a much better position to get through it.
Don’t go out of your way to show him that you don’t need him. Your goal should be to make him want to share in your happiness, not to make him resent you for it.
There are many ways that you can remind him of happy memories. You could send him a photo from your honeymoon or reminisce about an adventure you had together, for example. You may want to consider talking to your husband about your desire to make more happy memories like the ones you have had in the past. If it feels right, have a conversation about the changes you can make to your relationship to help make that happen.
For example, your husband may need some time to spend by himself pursuing a hobby, or he may need more quality time with you. If you’re not sure what your husband’s needs are, ask him what you can do to help him be happier.
He may also really like it if you brag about him to others once in a while. For example, when you’re out with friends, you might say, “My husband made me the most delicious dinner last night. " Men don’t respond well to criticism—they respond well to compliments and affirmation. [14] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019. You might say “I’d love more of that” when your husband does something that you really like. [15] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
Even if you need to take a break from a conversation, never leave it unfinished for long. Your goal should be to find a resolution that works for both of you. Listen to your husband and try to understand his perspective, even if you disagree. Be sure to say what you really mean, even if you think your husband may not like it. Dancing around the issue will not help resolve it.
The break can be a few minutes or an entire day, depending on how much time you need to cool down, but be sure to return to the conversation. You don’t want to leave the conflict unresolved.
The less defensive you are during disagreements, the less defensive your husband will feel the need to be. This will make your conversations much more productive.
It’s important to forgive your husband for mistakes he has made in the past, as continuing to dwell on them will only create more tension in your marriage. You will make mistakes too, and when you do, you must be humble enough to admit it and apologize.
