Your control over the initial communications shows him that he no longer has unrestricted access to you. Go at least one month after your breakup before you speak again. For example, if you used to send him a message the day of a doctor’s appointment to remind him to go, don’t do that now. He will need to rely on his calendar, not you. Or, don’t call to tell him that your favorite movie has come on television. Instead, make some popcorn and enjoy your show.
Your ex will see positive changes in you and notice that you’re moving on and growing without him. He will hopefully be happy for you and definitely regret that he’s not a part of it.
This is about you asserting control over yourself and your emotional health. You can tell him, “Now that we’ve broken up, we need to figure out what our relationship is and how we’ll interact with one another, if at all. There cannot be ambiguity here and I need closure. ”
There are plenty of gyms that offer monthly memberships now, meaning you get all the perks of a gym without a lengthy contract to bog you down.
See your friends Go to dinner Go to the theater Go to festivals – make a day trip of it Join a meetup group Join a hobby club Don’t go overboard with pictures of you going out, as it may give the appearance that you’ve lost self-control because of your breakup.
Start small. Think about a negative thought that you tend to have and how you could make it positive. Then, the next time you have that negative thought, push it away and replace it with the positive thought instead. For example, you might have a recurring thought that you’re just not as talented as everyone else and that you’ll never be successful. Counter that negative talk. You are merely expressing fear and anxiety, not a true fact. Instead of letting your fears and worries run rampant, correct your fearful thinking. For instance, you could say, “Everyone has a talent. I just have to discover mine. ” And, “There are many ways to be successful. I have succeeded in many aspects of my life already. I will find ways to be successful every day, and I will continue to find ways to improve. "
You might consider your professional strengths, or your personal talents, or even your artistic abilities. Combine strengths to develop something truly unique to you. For example, you’ve loved baking as a hobby for years. You absolutely love making homemade goodies and sharing them with your loved ones. Consider starting a blog in which you highlight your baking skills and recipes. Or perhaps you’re great at organizing and juggling complex tasks. You’re the person that people go to at work to fix problems, especially when they seem too big to handle. You can use these skills and start your own business on the side as a personal assistant or even a life coach. Maybe you absolutely love animals and would love to spend more time with them. You have an almost empathetic connection with them. Take that special talent and volunteer at a sanctuary for the rehabilitation of animals or your local zoo.
Start out simple and make a list. List what you like to do for fun, what adventures you’d like to take, your dream vacations, and your hobby interests. Make as many lists as necessary. The act of considering yourself and writing your thoughts down will help you get to know yourself much better. Or you can meditate, formally or less formally, by simply closing your eyes, doing calm breathing, and allowing yourself to sit in silence. Acknowledge and quiet your thoughts so that you’re alone with only yourself with no distractions.
The digital age has really opened up options when it comes to meeting people. You can join local Facebook groups, or MeetUp groups, or participate in message boards. These groups can be about shared interests (books, movie genres, or even music), or geography (city, state, neighborhood), or even shared experiences (parenthood, divorce, military veterans). Also, your local bookstores and coffee houses will likely have groups that meet regularly for a common interest or goal. If you attend school, your high school or college will have social, sport, and academic clubs that you can participate in.
Try going on a trip or vacation alone. Take some time to explore a new place or experience something new by yourself. Pamper yourself with self-care gifts. Maybe now is the time to buy that massage package or those new pots and pans you’ve been looking at. Take yourself out – go to a bookstore, or dinner, or even a movie.
Stop and get yourself a coffee on the way to work. Go get that new outfit, game, or piece of sporting equipment. Compliment yourself – find one thing every day to compliment yourself about. Be patient with yourself.
Your habits might be learning based, such as learning two new foreign language vocabulary words every morning or spending 20 minutes reading the news. Your habits might also be more physical based, such as doing two minutes of sit-ups and pushups every morning. Or they might be spiritually based, such as reading from a religious text for half an hour every evening.
