It can be frustrating to just sit there and hear all of the things that you did wrong. Don’t get upset and try to keep an open mind while you’re actively listening.
She may say some hurtful things while she’s venting. It’s okay to say, “I was hurt by what you said,” but under no condition should you interrupt her.
It’s easy to get upset and thrown completely into a funk the moment that she says she’s upset. Try to fight this feeling. You’ll end up focusing on the wrong thing from the start.
There’s a difference between asking for clarification and provoking. Feel free to ask questions about why she’s upset, but don’t talk down to her or minimize her feelings.
Don’t use a snarky or sarcastic tone. You don’t have to apologize if you think you were wronged, but don’t expect her to forgive you anytime soon. If your goal is to get her to forgive you, you’ll need to apologize even if you think you didn’t do anything wrong. “I’m really sorry,” and “I’m so sorry” sound better than, “Sorry,” which can come off as curt and dismissive.
If you’re scared that you’ll start a fight or you can’t keep calm, consider writing your apology down and giving her the letter. This will have the added benefit of showing her that you care enough to take the time to write your thoughts down. Say, “I should have told you about the job before I told my friends. I screwed up,” or, “I know that it was wrong to not call you when I came home and I’m sorry. ”
Say something like, “I shouldn’t have blown you off the other night. I feel terrible. ” Even if the two of you aren’t romantically involved, explain why your mistake was so bad and acknowledge your relationship. Say, “You’re my best friend, I don’t know why I would ignore your calls like that,” or “You’re my sister and I’d never be dishonest on purpose. ”
Use the word “mistake” to talk about what you did. This makes it seem like you weren’t actively trying to hurt her. Don’t say “I’ll try to not do it again,” but, “I won’t do it again. ” If you frame it like it’s outside of your control you’ll seem like you’re leaving the possibility open that you’ll do it again in the future. If you’re going to explain your mistake, say something like, “I won’t say something like that ever again. I thought I was telling a joke, but I see that it was dumb. ” If you try to justify it you may only make things worse.
If you made her mad by making an insensitive joke or passing comment, there may be no need to revisit it. Say something like, “So I know I kind of screwed it up last time, but I’m ready to give it another shot if you are. Can we try that dinner date again?” or, “I don’t know why I got so jealous the first time, but I do want to hear about your vacation. I promise to not act like a fool this time. ”
Say, “Do you need a couple of days away from me? If you do, it’s perfectly alright. We can revisit this topic when you’re feeling a little better. ” A lot of people just need some time to cool down and relax. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to be your friend or girlfriend anymore.
If you don’t have any money, a handmade gift can be an excellent way to show her that you care about her. Present the gift as a sort of additional apology. Say, “I got you this. I felt really bad about what I did and when I saw this I thought of you. ”
Start with something like, “How are you feeling? I understand if you’re still upset. ” If she says she’s fine, ask “Do you forgive me?” If she says that she doesn’t forgive you, say, “How can I make it up to you? What do I need to do to show you that I’m sorry?”
