You might say, “I know we started this as a fling, but I’ve fallen in love with you. I want to discuss our future. ” It’s possible that he’ll get upset when you tell him the truth. This can be really hard to hear, but you will get through this. If he has a negative response, call your friend for support.
Don’t stalk your man’s partner on social media or ask your friends to check up on them. Similarly, don’t ask him about what his partner is doing. When you find your thoughts straying to questions like, “Why does he pick her?” try to turn your attention to what’s going well in your life. Tell yourself, “I’ve had a great weekend,” “I just got a raise,” or “I have the best friends. ”
Tell yourself, “It’s impossible to control who you fall in love with. I deserve to find love, so I’m not going to feel guilty for falling in love with someone who’s unavailable. ” Write yourself a letter of forgiveness, then destroy it. This can help you work through your feelings.
If you feel like no one in your life supports you, a therapist may be the answer. They’ll focus on what’s best for you in a non-judgemental way. Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist or look for one online. Your therapy appointments may be covered by your insurance, so check your benefits.
You might say, “I really need to talk about my relationship, but I know not everyone understands it. Can I trust you?”
If people find out about the affair, it may make your situation more complicated. Additionally, it can lead to hurt feelings.
Say, “I miss you, too! But I already have plans with Karen tonight, so we can have date night on another day. My time is important, too. ”
For example, you may expect him to talk to you every day, spend your birthday with you, and make plans with you ahead of time. Alternatively, you might decide that you want him to initiate divorce proceedings. You can’t demand that your boyfriend give you what you want. However, you can set boundaries for what you will and will not accept. If he’s not willing to honor your boundaries, you’ll need to decide if this relationship is worth continuing.
For instance, let’s say you want him to leave his wife and marry you. Say, “You’ve always promised me that I was the one you want. I want you, too. If we’re going to continue this, I expect you to start divorce proceedings in the next 3 months so we can get married by the end of next year. ”
While it’s hard to walk away from someone you love, he may never actually commit to you. If he’s not willing to move forward with you, he may never do it.
Ask your man to be honest with his partner. Say, “I think you owe her the truth. Lying to her is wrong, and it’s preventing us from really being together. " He may not do it, but it’ll be better coming from him.
For instance, you might realize that you enjoy being in love and spending time together. If he’s not willing to offer you that long-term, it might be best to move on. However, you could realize that you are very busy and enjoy having a partner when you have free time. If this is the case, you might decide to continue your relationship as it is now.
For example, your goals may be to build your career, find a hobby, get married, and have a baby.
Spend more time with your friends. Keep up with your hobbies and interests. Take classes to learn a new skill. Start a new hobby. Join a local gym. Apply for jobs that interest you. Go on a family vacation.
For instance, you may stay active on online dating sites. While you might love him, it’s possible that this relationship doesn’t have a future. You might meet another man who’s a better match!
Say, “I love you so much, and I wish things were different. But I know that you’re always going to pick your family, so it’s time for me to move on. ” He’s probably going to contact you after the breakup to tell you that things have changed and he needs you. Be very cautious about taking him back, because your problems haven’t gone away.
