You might say something like, “I’m a bit confused about how things are going to change in our house. What’s going to happen now that we’re all living together?” Ask as many questions as you need to get a clear understanding about your new reality. Understand that some questions your parent may not yet have an answer to. Give it some time. You guys will eventually work out the kinks as everyone gets used to living together.
Once you figure out how any new changes will affect you, try to build a routine. You might work with your parent and step-parent to draw up a schedule of how your days will go. For example, you might need to be dropped off at school by your step-parent and ride the bus home. Or, maybe your step-parent will be the one taking you to soccer practice.
Politely say something like, “I’m feeling a bit crowded right now. Can I go to my room?” It’s always great for every child to have a space to themselves. Go to your special place–whether it is a tree house, hiding place, or bedroom–whenever you need to catch your breath. You might call your other parent to talk, read a book, or just sit and think.
If you think your step-parent’s new rules are too strict or unfair, talk to your biological parent about it first. Minimize conflict by letting them negotiate on your behalf. If you have an issue, you might say, “Mom, I don’t think it’s fair that my curfew has changed. Can we talk about that?”
Simply try to get along with everyone by treating them as kindly as you would other adults or kids.
For instance, they may want you to call them by their first name only (like “Jill”) or they may prefer a more formal title. Whatever they suggest you call them, try to respect their decision.
For example, if your stepmom asks, “Anyone want to help me in the garden?,” you should offer to join her so the two of you can chat.
For example, maybe your stepdad tells really funny jokes or makes a delicious stack of pancakes on Saturday mornings. Focus on these things rather than building on the list of things you don’t like. Similar to how you would not compare one friend to another friend, avoid comparing your step parent to your biological parent.
Think of your step-parent as just another authority figure in your life like a teacher or coach. You don’t have to become best buds with this person. All you have to do is learn to get along with them and treat them with respect.
For example, when you notice yourself feeling jealous, you might ask for some quality time with your parent alone. You might also call a friend to vent or write in your journal. You could also ask friends who have step parents how they deal with these feelings. This will give you an opportunity to connect with someone who has had similar experiences.
You might bring up the topic by saying something like, “Mom, I really miss our Saturday shopping and lunch dates. Can we start that back up again? It would be fun for us to spend more time together alone. " It’s important for everyone to accept the new family structure, but it’s equally important for you to maintain a bond with your parent. Instead of feeling threatened by your step-parent’s presence, just let your parent know you need some one-on-one time.
You might say something like, “Cody, how are you feeling about Dad’s new wife?” or “I miss Mom. "
To bring up the subject, you might say, “Dad, I’m having a hard time dealing with everything that’s happening. I think it’d be good if I talked to a professional. Does that sound okay to you?”
