Ask follow-up questions to better understand where they are coming from instead of responding immediately to what they just said. For example: “Why do you feel that way?” or “What are you basing your opinion on?” Remember that even though you might not like where they are right now, they will be somewhere new tomorrow.
Apply this approach even when the same “bad” behavior appears to resurface again and again. Remember, even if someone is, say, consistently late in meeting you, the reasons may be different each time. Be aware that focusing on a growing list of things you don’t like might lead you to make snap judgments that you wouldn’t otherwise make. For instance, say you thought they were a little rude to your waiter at the beginning of your meal. If you hold onto to that, you might think they are a jerk for only leaving a small tip at the end, even though the service really was kind of poor.
Unless they did something that is clearly wrong (like shooting someone else in the foot just because they didn’t bring them a beverage), always keep in mind that you don’t know the full story. [4] X Research source Avoid judging people for their actions if you don’t know the full reason behind them. For example, if someone doesn’t call you when they said they would, don’t take it as a slight. Keep in mind that they may have lost their phone, been faced with an emergency, or any number of things.
Demanding that someone must change according to your liking may blind you to their positive traits. For instance, fixating on someone’s refusal to be swayed by your own beliefs about, say, the justice system may frustrate you to the point that you begin to undervalue how dependable they are when you need their assistance.
A tragedy in your family might have impressed upon you the importance of maintaining strong ties. However, someone who grew up without any such tragedy might be more inclined to let family ties weaken over an issue that you consider minor. On the other hand, you might consider something like skipping school a rite of passage because you never suffered from it, while someone else might think of it as a major mistake because of the serious consequences that they faced afterward.
Your approach toward work might be to dive into it headfirst and stick with it until it is done, while your colleague or study buddy may have a more relaxed mindset. Instead of faulting them for being too eager to take a break, embrace the benefits of taking one. Appreciate how your partner has led you to an experience that you would have otherwise skipped on your own. Say that you and Person B share very similar opinions. However, yours are shaped by your faith in your religion, while Person B, an atheist, has arrived at them on their own. Instead of faulting them for their lack of faith, appreciate how they have arrived at the same core values without any help from above.
Say you are an introvert and quiet by nature. Person B, on the other hand, is very open and talkative. Although you wouldn’t be offended by someone simply nodding hello in the morning instead of starting a conversation, understand that Person B might. To compensate, meet them halfway. Compliment their appearance, comment on the weather, or offer any other small form of chitchat to put them at ease. Now say the opposite: you are very talkative and Person B is very quiet. While you know that you are trying to start a conversation in order to be friendly, recognize that they might feel bullied into interacting. Again, meet them halfway. Say hello, ask how their weekend was, and then leave it up to them to continue talking or back out.
Say you’re dealing with a neighbor who throws lots of loud parties, and when you complain about the noise, they cite the family reunion you just held a month ago, even though that was the only loud gathering you’ve hosted all year. Instead of getting snippy right away, reflect on that. Acknowledge that it was a loud gathering. Show them that you are listening to what they have to say so they feel heard.
For instance, an offense that could be objectively called bad would be physically harming someone else for no reason whatsoever. On the other hand, an offense that only offends you would be disagreeing with your opinion about a TV show.
Say you’ve been having doubts about your new relationship, and your new boyfriend or girlfriend seems quite taken by someone else whom they just met, which makes you feel jealous. Maybe they really are smitten, but maybe their excitement is simply due to a shared interest that you personally don’t share. Either way, recognize that your perspective might be distorted by your preexisting doubts before acting too rashly.
For example, if a conversation over politics is making you uncomfortable, make a joke like, “What is this? A Sunday morning talk show? Let’s change the channel to sports. ” If this person is someone whom you have to interact with again and again (like a sibling who is hard to get along with), set firmer rules. Simply say, “Let’s agree to not talk about this subject when we’re together. ”
