Store your journal and other materials somewhere your spouse can’t find them, such as at a neighbor’s house.
The farther away you can move from your spouse, the safer you will be. If you live in the United States, you can search for shelters in your area on this website: https://www. domesticshelters. org/. If you are in the United Kingdom, you can search Shelter. org.
If you are taking your children with you, gather the documents and personal items they will need, too. Store your belongings somewhere safe. Consider asking a neighbor or family member to hold onto them for you until you leave. Don’t let your spouse know you are packing to leave. If you think they might miss an item, wait to pack it until right before you go.
Additionally, you should consider how you plan to support yourself financially after you leave. Will you need to get another job? Think about sources that can offer financial support, including friends, family, and local domestic violence programs.
Legal advice is often free or inexpensive. You can access free legal assistance from the nonprofit organization Safe Horizon. Your state may also offer free resources. [5] X Research source If you live in the UK, you can access legal aid by visiting Gov. uk. [6] X Trustworthy Source Official UK government website Official website for the public sector of the UK government Go to source
Avoid escaping through areas of the house where weapons are stored. Remove or lock up weapons ahead of time, if you can. If you are bringing children with you, make sure they understand the plan. You may want to make more than one escape plan – one to use under ideal circumstances, and one to use if you have to leave in a hurry.
Your spouse may sabotage your plans or become more dangerous if they know you are about to leave.
If you decide to talk to a family member, choose carefully. Family members sometimes tip off spouses before a planned escape. Only confide in those you trust deeply. If your neighbors are trustworthy, you can also ask them to call the police if they hear your spouse abusing you or your kids before you leave.
If your spouse harasses you over the phone or online, block them. If you think there is any chance your spouse might have installed a keylogger or other tracking software on your computer, don’t use it. Use a computer at a public library or internet café until you can get a clean computer of your own.
If you’re concerned that your spouse may stalk or harass you, consider asking your boss if you can change your hours at work or work from home.
For example, you might pinpoint a nearby area they can go to if you are in danger, such as a park or neighbor’s house. If you have an older adolescent or teen, you might also give them a list of phone numbers of shelters or organizations for abuse victims in case they need to make calls.
For those in the UK, call 0808 2000 247 to reach a 24-hour helpline.
This order can help you keep your children in your care and away from an abusive spouse. It also may help you stay in your family home temporarily (and have your spouse removed) until the hearing date. Usually, no fees are associated with filing a restraining order.
An abuser will often try to make their victim feel like the abuse is the victim’s fault, but this is just a manipulation tactic.
If your spouse is the parent of your kids, leaving can be especially difficult. Even if you’re not ready to get out yet, talk to your kids about abuse, and make sure they know how to stay safe in the face of violence. For instance, show your kids a safe place in the house where they can go if your spouse starts abusing you, and make sure they know not to intervene.
If you’re married to an abuser, you probably already know how manipulative they can be. Maintain your inner resolve to leave, even if your spouse acts apologetic or turns on their charm. Make a list of reasons why you want to leave your marriage. Refer to it when you feel like changing your mind. Be sure to keep this list somewhere secure where your spouse can’t find it, such as a password-protected document on your computer.
