Extend civility in any situation, especially when others are around. You don’t want to leave a bad impression of yourself because of your personal issues. For example, if a person whom you want to shut out asks how you are, say, “I’m fine, thank you” in a neutral tone. This brief answer lets the person know you don’t want any further contact without ignoring the person or saying something impolite.
Take note of people’s schedules. This can help you avoid any type of contact with them, including small talk or arguments. If a person you want to shut out goes for happy hour at the same place every week, choose a new location to meet with your friends and colleagues. Recognize that it may take a while for people to get the message that you’re avoiding them at all costs. If you see the person you’re shutting out, be pleasant and say hello.
Keep responses as brief and polite as possible. For example, if someone emails you a long note, you can choose to acknowledge it or not. Keep your response to the bare minimum necessary. For instance, you can only write “Thank you for the information, John. I’ll have a look at it and get back to you. ” Keep your comments to people brief and polite as well. A simple statement such as, “Thank you for your help, I appreciate it,” followed by you returning to what you were doing sends a clear signal that you don’t want any contact. When you engage with someone, leave no room for further conversation. For example, you can say “Thank you for your assistance. Have a nice day. "
Recognize that distancing yourself from people to cut out an individual or group may result in you being cut out of relationships. You can politely decline invitations from people you like by saying something like, “Thanks for the offer, Caroline. Sorry to turn it down, but I already have plans this evening. Please give everyone my best wishes. ” See people on an individual basis to avoid potentially uncomfortable situations. Try saying something like, “I’d love to go out, Caroline, but I’m struggling to feel comfortable in groups. Can we get together for dinner next week? Maybe just the two of us?” Meet acquaintances one-on-one so that you can maintain a relationship without including the person you want to shut out. Take creating distance as an opportunity to try new activities and meet new people if you want.
To avoid drama, remain as kind and honest as possible, but don’t make excuses. Be direct. [5] X Expert Source Evan Parks, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 October 2021. For example, say, “I don’t feel as though we have much in common any more. I would feel better ending our friendship. I wish you nothing but the best. ” With colleagues, you can say, “Alan, I think it’s best we speak only when absolutely necessary. I wish you the best. ”[6] X Research source Tell the individual or group in person if possible. Send a polite, handwritten note or email if this is easier for you. Doing so can give you confidence about your decision while showing respect to the other parties. [7] X Research source Focus your comments on yourself. Say, “I really need to concentrate on myself right now. I think that it’s the best for us to not have any contact. ” This not only shuts the person out of your life, but can keep the individual from feeling badly.
Block or hide the feeds of anyone you want to cut out. You can also delete or deactivate yourself to your accounts to keep yourself from checking them. These tactics not only send out the message that you don’t want contact, but can also help you gain valuable “me” time. Handle questions about your decision politely. Say, “Honestly, I want a break to focus on myself,” or, “I blocked Frank because I find our relationship unproductive and negative. I need a break from him. ”
Channel emails to a special folder for the person or group’s emails. This will let you decide if and when you want to respond. Respond to emails in a timely fashion if you can’t ignore them. Remember to keep it as brief and neutral as possible to signal the person you don’t want contact. Block messages altogether if you can avoid the person and are sure you want to cut the individual off completely.
Check the caller ID before picking up any phone calls. You can easily avoid the person if you know the individual’s phone numbers. Delete voice and text messages immediately. This can keep you from hearing the person’s voice and seeing the messages, both of which may cause you stress.
Write down a list of reasons you want to shut out someone. This may help you realize that avoiding the individual is more constructive than shutting the person out entirely. For example, if you write, “Hannah said something that offended me. I don’t want to see her,” you might want to shut the person out for a while. Writing something like “Max betrayed our friendship by stealing my girlfriend” may help you realize it’s best to cut out your friend and ex.
Consider giving yourself a break from activities such as extra-curricular sports or clubs, family outings, or professional engagements. You can let people know, “I’d love to join you, but I need some time to myself. ”
Schedule an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. The mental health professional can help diagnose any conditions that may make you want to shut out people. Be honest with the doctor about why you’re seeking counseling. Answer any questions the therapist may ask. These can provide insight on why you’re shutting out people from your life.
You may be questioned about your actions, but stay firm in your decision. This will help you create boundaries. If someone doesn’t agree with your decision, try to avoid engaging with them on the matter.
