Keep criticism in the present. If you’re talking about something that happened long ago, or relating a current situation to something in the past, that may not be constructive. Refrain from saying things like, “This is the same thing you did last time, too,” or “I’ve noticed that you always do things that way. ” Statements like that are not constructive and can be hurtful. Instead, you can say, “I noticed that you were late this morning,” or, “I noticed that your presentation today hadn’t been edited. " You want to avoid making judgments about the person’s character or motives. [2] X Expert Source Lily Zheng, MADiversity, Equity & Inclusion Consultant Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
Specific: “Some of the women feel that they’re being talked over. It would be helpful if you spoke up if you noticed group members interrupting each other, or brushing off what others had to say. If certain members are feeling hesitant, you might even ask for their opinion to make sure people know their thoughts are valued. " Vague: “You aren’t showing enough leadership. Your group is unsuccessful, and its atmosphere is unpleasant, particularly for the women. I expect to see better morale and more equal participation. "
Objective: “The anatomy in this picture resembles a child’s, which contrasts with the more adult-like face. If she had a smaller head-to-body ratio and slightly longer limbs, she’d look more adult. Spending some extra time with anatomy books may be helpful to you. " Judgemental: “To be honest, you’re lousy at drawing. All ego and no work ethic. I question how much commitment you have to art. "
If the person doesn’t seem to take your comments to heart, you can ask them if they understood, and why they aren’t making changes. It’s possible that you were too vague or gentle and the person didn’t think the feedback was meant to incite direct change.
Valuable: “I wish you would put the dishes in the dishwasher when you’re done with them. When I come home and see a sink full of dishes, I feel frustrated and exhausted and I feel like that makes spending quality time together difficult. " This makes it clear why the criticism is being given, how the person can change their behavior, and what the value of that change would be. Not valuable: “You’re such a slob! I hate how you always leave the dishes to me. " This does not offer a solution or make it clear what a change would do for either party.
You can say something like, “I hear that you’re upset with my work this week. Can you tell me exactly which reports you had trouble with, and why?” If the person has been specific but you suspect there is more that they’re not saying, you can say, “Thanks for clarifying that I need to spend more time on this week’s report. Is there anything else you’re concerned about?”
Paraphrase what the person critiquing you says. Repeat what you understand back to them, so that they can see that you’re taking it in. It will also help you both clarify that you understand. Ask questions if you don’t understand. You can always say, “Can you give me an example?” Avoid becoming defensive. You may want to argue or defend yourself. However, if the criticism is constructive, remember that the best answer is to say, “Thanks for letting me know. I’m going to do my best to make those changes in the future. ”
Once you’ve made the changes, check back in. You can say, “So, I made those changes. Have you noticed a difference? Do you have any further suggestions for me?” If you make the changes but the person critiquing you still seems unsatisfied, they may simply have a personal problem with you and their criticism may not actually be constructive.
Count to ten and take some deep breaths before responding. If you’re receiving the criticism face to face, you may need to let yourself be silent for a moment before responding. That’s okay. You’re never required to respond to someone immediately. You can even say, “Excuse me, I need to think about that for a moment. "
Begin by mentioning positive things about the person or their work. Then mention the parts that need work, and then end on a positive note. This helps keep the receiver’s self-esteem strong and keeps them interested in improving. An example of a critique sandwich in a public speaking class could be, “I thought your speech was really convincing and motivating. It started off a little slow, and you could probably shave off a minute from the beginning to retain audience interest. Nonetheless, you made really strong arguments and your delivery was clear and convincing. I saw the audience nodding along by the end. "
Never give criticism in front of peers or coworkers. You can always say, “Is this a good time?” or, “Could this wait until a better time?”
At work, you can say, “When you said that I’m always late, I felt that was unfair. My timecard actually shows that I only showed up late once last week. ” You can also say something like, “I understand that my past behavior was really upsetting. However, I’d like to focus on the incident you’re talking about that happened this morning. Can we figure out a way that something like that could be avoided in the future?”
If the person wants to be well-liked in the office, you can say, “I really want everyone here to get along and respect each other. When one person doesn’t pull their weight, that becomes difficult. ” You can also frame the feedback in terms of a goal that you both share, like team success or client happiness. [15] X Expert Source Lily Zheng, MADiversity, Equity & Inclusion Consultant Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
Gentle: “This is a really good start. While it would be great in most situations, for a company presentation it’s a little brightly-colored. I would recommend using a plain white, off-white, or black font with a simple background, and maybe substituting some of the clip art with photos. Still, I found the text itself highly readable, and the organization is perfect. " Blunt: “Your power point had too much silly clip art and contrasting colors. Give me plainer text colors and more photos. Then you’ll be good to go. " Cruel: “That looked like it was made by a thirteen-year-old who just discovered MS Paint. Too many bright colors and wacky pictures. "
