For example, let’s say you and your friends made plans to hang out over the weekend. You set a date, time, and location. They said they were free to come. You text them that you’re on your way to the place, and they don’t respond. You arrive, and they text you they’re running late, and then they show up more than an hour late. Think about whether you can depend on them to be there when you need them for something important.
Remember, too, to be forgiving. Sometimes people make honest mistakes, like double booking themselves, or the letting the time slip away, or emergencies. Instead of dropping them immediately, notice how frequently it happens and how important the events are. For instance, missing a coffee date is nothing compared to missing a wedding. If your friends keep their word, they are likely trustworthy. You don’t have the question whether or not if they’ll stick to what they said. But, if they get caught up in an exciting time and over-promise, then they may not be thinking through on what they’re saying. For example, let’s say you and some of your friends make a pact to go to a concert together since you all found out that a band that you all love is playing in town soon. You get your ticket and then your friends don’t show or make other plans.
Do you make plans with a friend to hang out one-on-one, only to have them always invite others to join? Do they cancel plans in order to hang out with other people? Do you feel as though you are often invited along to do something with your friends only as an afterthought? Some friends will be closer to you than others. You’ll feel more trusting of people who are your closest friends, rather than friends you hang out with off and on. Identify the difference between feeling welcomed by your friends, and feeling used by them. If they seem to only want you around for their own advantage or benefit, then they are likely less trustworthy.
For example, let’s say you had a rough day at school or work, and you call or text your friend to chat or hang out. You explain that you’ve been having a tough day and the reasons why. They don’t respond until a day or two later, and it’s a generic response. Do you feel supported?
Figure out if your friends seem make a lot of judgmental statements about you or other people. Do they seem to only focus on the negative aspects of other people’s appearance or behaviors? Or do they do the opposite? Do they make positive and supportive statements? Do they encourage you to be happier and healthier in a loving way? This is a more trustworthy friend.
Notice if you feel comfortable enough with your friends to express a differing opinion. If your friends are trustworthy, they will respect your opinion and, while you may have a discussion about your conflicting opinions, it won’t be a big deal. If you are afraid to express an opinion that is different than the rest of the group, this may suggest your friends are not very trustworthy. Sometimes people make friends because they want to feel like they have a big social circle. But bigger doesn’t always mean better. Evaluate whether you actually have similar interests and personalities with your friends. Trust yourself, and don’t feel like you have to be exactly like them. For example, let’s say they only like to go to the mall and buy clothes, and you’d rather play music and start a small band. They don’t seem to understand why you play music, and don’t really like the music that you do. You may not feel very supported.
The way your friends treat other people is a reflection on how they value others. If they are quick to judge other people and lie to get their own way, then they may end up doing the same to you. Some people will ditch a friendship if they think something better is coming along.
When you told a secret, did you ask your friends specifically, “Can you please keep this information confidential? I don’t want the information to get around. ” If you didn’t word it carefully, consider your wording when asking for a secret to be kept. But either way, think about how you would have handled the situation with the same information. Would you have kept the secret? Consider only telling private information to those who are your best friends who you know that you already trust, or someone who’s not involved that you already trust.
Do you feel like you can tell them about what’s bothering you without feeling judged? Do you feel comfortable with telling them about problems in your family or personal struggles you’re facing?
If they seem disingenuous about your interests, you may feel like you can open up to them about yourself. Be true to yourself. Trust your instincts if you feel that you can’t trust your friends due to their past behaviors.
