A process of self-reflection can help with healing. Be willing to look inward, and not just outward, about how to cope with the end of a relationship. The beginning of a new relationship may seem outwardly like you’ve moved on, but it’s important to address how you’re really feeling. If you’re still in love and thinking about your ex, jumping into a relationship or having sex out of spite might be harmful to you in the long run. Don’t use or abuse another guy just to get back at your ex.
Consider writing in a journal every day to process your feelings. Use this only for your private thoughts. Avoid sharing it in public spaces such as an online blog or other social media. Writing can be cathartic or a form of emotional release. It helps you to understand what you’re feeling rather than pushing away or masking your feelings. Though writing can be helpful, avoid spending too much time on venting. Thirty minutes of writing a day should suffice.
Are you seeking out this new guy because you feel lonely or because you enjoy his company? Are you afraid of being single? When you allow yourself to think about the break up, what do you feel? (Sad, mad, heartbroken, sick, etc. ). Do you fantasize often about running into your ex with your new date? Are you dating to seemingly show off that you’ve moved on? Are you more focused on what others think rather than who you’re actually dating? When you think about your ex are you able to wish him well despite what you’ve been through? Do you always talk about your ex with your new guy? Are you focused on making comparisons between your new guy and your ex? Do you still feel lonely or sad even when you are with your new guy?
Learn to let go and find support. Don’t feel like you’re worthless or unlovable just because of this break-up. Everyone has had some kind of loss before. You’re not alone. Make an active choice to find true friends rather than just another relationship. Avoid clinging onto someone new to make you feel better about yourself. Friends who care about you will be more reliable and supportive during a difficult time.
Limit your time on social media sites after a break-up. Social media sites often give false impressions of real life. They tend to focus on the positive, happy times. But real life is not what’s on Instagram. Avoid spending time looking at your ex’s feed or the feeds of your ex’s friends. If you can’t be present with your new guy, you’re likely still hung up on the old one. Assess the types of photos you’re posting. Are you posting pictures to possibly get the attention of your ex? Or are you posting pictures because you’re genuinely happy with the new guy?
Focus on being present with the new guy in your life. If you seem to be constantly distracted or comparing him to your ex, it can be difficult to find out if you actually like the guy. On the other hand, avoid using a new guy as a “crutch. " Don’t be fooled that a new guy will fix everything. You may be inclined to find someone who’s the exact opposite of your ex. While at times this may work, don’t try to find someone who is completely different just to avoid being reminded of your ex. Think about the qualities that actually matter to you in a relationship.
Get to know what matters to you. Find out what makes you happy and confident in yourself. Find passion in life rather than seeking another guy to validate you as a person. Avoid feeling like you can only do things when you’re with someone. Try new things on your own. Take classes that interest you. Find hobbies that fulfill you. Be adventurous.
Don’t be blinded by looks alone. Think about what makes a good relationship for you. Does the guy you’re interested in seem to be a good fit for you? Or is he just a friendly person who seems nice? A healthy relationship revolves around love, kindness, honesty, joy, patience, openness, and loyalty. [8] X Research source Think about what your deal breakers are. Is this new guy already in a relationship or dating multiple people? Is he trustworthy? Is he often angry or abusive? Is he inattentive or uncaring? Does he have a history of STDs? Does he have a drug or alcohol problem?[9] X Research source
If the new guy seems interesting because he reminds you of your ex, you may be rebounding. Similarly, if the guy has all the opposite traits of your ex, you could be overcorrecting—another sign of a rebound relationship. [10] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
If a new guy is genuine, honest, and caring, don’t simply put him in the “rebound” category because it’s a few weeks or months after your last relationship. This will likely hurt the relationship, and hurt him if you make him feel less-than. If you don’t feel ready to open up and be vulnerable, then you might need to step back and take a little more time to recover from your last relationship. [12] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
Share about yourself, but avoid oversharing all the details of your past relationship. Don’t try to rehash the break-up with a new guy in your life. If you’re feeling vulnerable, consider setting boundaries with any new person you date. Stay true to what you think it is right for you to be safe and happy. Don’t let others decide for you. Rebound relationships tend to become physical fast, and there’s often more physical intimacy than emotional connection. [13] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
