You’re excited to introduce them to your friends. The hot person in the apartment across the hall no longer catches your interest. You feel like you’re invincible. [1] X Research source If you don’t feel overly excited about the prospect of seeing this other person and getting to know more about them, chances are, you could be just using them to fill a void.
You don’t have to come out and tell the person why you need space. But, you can say: “We’re moving really fast, and I want to slow it down. Can you give me the week/weekend to think?”.
For example, does your list describe their quirky personality, honesty, and ambition, which are healthy traits to desire in a partner? Or, do you simply like that they are always available when you call? Other examples might be that this person is attractive and makes you look good in front of your friends. Maybe you don’t care about them beyond the fact that they symbolize your ability to find an attractive mate.
Can someone else fulfill their purpose? For example, are you glad to have someone to go out with on weekends? Pretty much anyone can give you that. If that’s all you value about the other person, you could be unknowingly using them to avoid loneliness.
Other ways to find friends might be reach out to old connections through social media. Strike up a conversation with someone in your favorite shop or boutique. Join a meetup to connect with people who have the same hobbies as you. If, in the midst of your increased social activity, you don’t find yourself missing the other person or wishing they could join you, there’s a chance you were just lonely.
Giving back to others offers a load of benefits such as enhancing self-esteem and fighting loneliness. If you find that you no longer think about your partner due to your new obligations, odds are you just needed to get out more. [5] X Research source
Take up a new fitness class at a nearby gym. Learn a new language. Bake more often. Go fishing. Just do things that you like.
Think about something that you have been wanting to do for you. Maybe that includes getting more training in your chosen career or planning to travel abroad. If you consider that person’s role in your future, then there’s a chance you see them as more than just a placeholder.
Maybe you got dumped and wanted to save face by quickly finding a new love. Or, maybe you’ve been divorced for some time and everyone keeps asking when you will start dating again—but you’re not quite over your ex. These aren’t good reasons to start a new relationship. [8] X Research source
Rebound relationships tend to become physical fast, but they may be less emotional. If you don’t feel the need to open up to this person, and your attraction to them feels strictly physical, you might be in a rebound relationship. If you are dating someone who has all the opposite traits of your ex, that is also often a sign of a rebound relationship.
Being single can be enjoyable when you build your social network with supportive friends and family. Plus, you can learn to be single by directing your attention on improving yourself. Go back to school. Clean up your diet. Set objective goals. Don’t assign your value based on your relationship status.
Recognize your positive qualities that have nothing to do with your relationship status. Write them down and hang them on your bathroom mirror as a reminder. Improve your self-talk. Don’t call yourself a “loser” because you’re at home on a Saturday night. Either make plans with a friend or remind yourself that your value isn’t in your social calendar.
Codependency can make you feel empty if you don’t have someone to care for. Therefore, you refuse to be alone and find a new relationship even if you aren’t actually in love with the person. If this sounds like you, ask your doctor about getting a referral to a mental health therapist who can help you get to the root of this problem.
