For example, you might not be able to remember the last time you had a sexual thought. Similarly, you may realize that you occasionally think about sex when people bring it up, but it quickly leaves your mind. You can be an asexual, even if you think about sex a lot. Similarly, asexual people may also be “dirty-minded”, even if they don’t experience sexual attraction.
You get bored when people talk about their crush, their sexual desire, or their sexual experiences. Your mind wanders when people talk about sex. You don’t understand what makes someone “hot. ” You pretend to be interested in sex to fit in.
For instance, you might not understand why people like porn. You may find it boring or gross instead of arousing. You may feel bored or uncomfortable during sex scenes in movies. You may not get aroused when you see someone in revealing clothing.
You may have felt like you were supposed to have sex or that you’d like it if you tried it. You’ve never wanted to initiate sex. You may have had sex and realized you didn’t enjoy it. Sex might feel weird to you instead of fun. You may have felt like you were just going through the motions. You might find most other activities to be more fun than sex.
Body dysmorphia is when you’re consumed by negative thoughts about your body or perceived flaws. Anyone can develop body dysmorphia, but it’s especially common with people who are transgender. If you have body dysmorphia, it may be hard for you to imagine or feel confident having sex with someone. Sexual dysfunction disorders cover a wide range of symptoms. Treatment is optional, depending on what the patient wants. Complex PTSD is a trauma response that can cause you to withdraw and be afraid to open up. You may have no desire for sexual relationships. With therapy, your sexual feelings may return.
You may also be aromantic, which means you don’t have romantic feelings. This means you may prefer to just enjoy friendships and familial relationships. It’s common for people who are asexual to be panromantic, which means you can fall in love with anyone regardless of gender. You may develop romantic feelings for someone of the same gender or of a different gender. Asexual individuals still express affection and care for other people, but they’re not interested in expressing this in a sexual way. [8] X Research source
If you’re aesthetically attracted to someone, you might think, “Her face is so beautiful. ” However, you have no desire to be intimate. With sensual attraction, you might think, “This person is attractive and fun to be around. I want to cuddle and hold hands with them. ” If it’s sexual attraction, you might find the person attractive and want to have sex with them.
To figure out if you’re gray-asexual, think about times you’ve been attracted to someone or that you’ve gotten aroused by something sexual. This could be a sign of gray-asexuality. If you suspect you may be demisexual, consider if you’ve only been attracted to someone you love or deeply like. For instance, you might develop sexual feelings for someone you’ve dated for a long time but not be sexually attracted to anyone else.
There’s nothing wrong or bad about being disinterested in sex. It’s okay to question your sexual identity and be uncertain about how you feel. Take as much time as you need to understand yourself. You’re not obligated to fulfill someone else’s stereotype or desires. You don’t need to have sex to prove something or make someone else happy.
You may be grossed out by sex, find it boring, or think it’s mildly enjoyable. You may want to never have sex or may like doing it because your partner enjoys it. You may not get sexually aroused at all, but it’s possible that you sometimes will. You may enjoy masturbating, you may use it as a release, or you might dislike masturbation.
For instance, join Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (AVEN).
It’s okay to experiment with sexuality to find out if you like it, but don’t feel pressured to do it. Take your time and only do what feels comfortable to you.
