For example, if someone who usually cooks healthy meals starts living on a diet of convenience food, they may be depressed. [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source If you don’t see what your friend or family member eats on a regular basis, pay attention to changes in their weight, which can indicate over- or undereating.

Some indirect signs of this may be that they can’t get to work or school on time, or if when you have plans in the evening they often leave early because they are tired. Depression can cause both physical and mental fatigue.

For example, a depressed person might spend an increasing amount of time locked in their bedroom, avoid going out with friends, and stop having lunch with coworkers. They may stop responding to your texts or calls and may turn you down if you try to make plans with them.

Behavioral signs of drug or alcohol abuse include: neglecting responsibilities at school or work, unexplained financial issues, secretive or suspicious behavior, sudden change in friends, mood swings, sudden change in personality, lack of motivation, appearing “spaced out” or hyperactive, paranoia, anxiety. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Physical signs of drug or alcohol abuse include: bloodshot eyes, change in sleeping habits, sudden weight loss or gain, deterioration of physical appearance, tremors, slurred speech, impaired coordination. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source

The person may become defensive when you challenge their excuses.

Often, suppressed feelings re-surface in surprising or inappropriate ways. For instance, if your normally mild-mannered sibling starts cursing at a driver who took their parking spot, something may be wrong. Or if your normally animated friend seems subdued and doesn’t get excited about the things they once loved, then they may be battling depression.

For instance, if your friend breaks down one night and says she can’t handle her life anymore, but the next day tells you she was just overreacting, don’t be so quick to believe her. Depression can come and go in waves. Someone may reach out for help at a low point but no longer take their condition seriously when they feel a little better.

Depression is isolating, and it lowers a person’s self-esteem. The combination of these factors can leave a depressed person feeling desperate for company or convinced that everyone secretly dislikes them. The insecurity and self-doubt can lead to anxiety about the person’s abilities at work, as a friend and/or partner, or simply about their worth as a human being. They may attach to you as a way to try to feel whole or complete. [11] X Research source

The person may exhibit negative thought patterns with “all or nothing statements” indicating hopelessness. [13] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 19 August 2020. These statements include sentences like “I can’t do anything right”; “I never do well at work”; “I always make the wrong choices”; and “My life is never going to get better. ”[14] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.

For instance, don’t just ask them, “Do you think you have depression?” This will probably make them feel defensive. Instead, start by saying something like, “I haven’t seen much of you lately. Is everything going okay?” Don’t feel like you need to cover everything in a single conversation. The person may not be ready to talk, and it may take several attempts before they open up.

For instance, if the person tells you they’re feeling overwhelmed at work, you might say, “That sounds pretty stressful. How is it affecting the rest of your life?” Be aware that they may not be ready to open up yet. Don’t push them to talk more than they’re comfortable with. Make sure you are responsive to any small show of progress or trust — thank them for sharing with you, and let them know you are available to talk whenever they feel comfortable.

If the person reveals that they’re having a hard time, avoid telling them that you know how they feel. Instead, say something like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. ”

Someone with depression might perceive advice as pushy or insulting, even if you don’t mean it that way. Instead, let them decide how much and what kind of help they want to accept. If they say they don’t need any help, let them know that you’ll still be there if they change their mind.

You could say something like, “Would you be willing to talk to a counselor to put my mind at ease? I can help you make an appointment. ” If they are discussing self-harm with an intent to follow through, it is best to advise them to seek help from a highly trained clinician who works with major depressive disorder, or to visit their nearest emergency room for a more detailed evaluation.