Using a vibrator can help a woman explore her own sexual responses, and can show her partner what she enjoys. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Relax with your partner. Take deep breaths together and enter into a relaxed physical and emotional space. Some methods of relaxing include meditation, specifically How to Do Sexual Meditation. If you struggle with performance anxiety, check out How to Deal with Sexual Performance Anxiety.
Trade massages before you have sex, and spend a particular length of time exploring each other’s bodies before you’re allowed to move on. Make the touching part of sex as long and luxurious as possible. Put on soft music and make an evening of it. Take your time. Focus on pleasuring your partner and giving excitement. Then, revel in pleasure when it’s returned to you. Many women benefit most from clitoral stimulation during foreplay. [5] X Research source
Practice sensate focus. This exercise helps build trust and intimacy over a gradual period of time (20–40 minutes), and helps relieve performance anxiety. Taking turns, engage in increasing touch with your partner. First start with non-sexual touch to your partner, touching the torso, arms, legs. Then include increasing sexual touch, around the breasts/nipples and groin area, but not touching genitals. Finally, engage in more sexual touch, including genital touch or light stimulation. You can choose to engage in sex afterward.
Add to the fantasy with role-playing. You both could dress up in costumes and call each other by different names. Blindfolds are easy ways to make sex suddenly touch-focused and different. If you’re into it, go the sensory-deprivation route. Some couples in long term relationships like to relive the early stages of their dating, when they couldn’t get enough of one another. Plan to meet separately at a bar you used to frequent and pretend like you don’t know each other. Go through all the motions of the first blind date, and pretend you don’t know anything about the other’s sexual likes. Go from there.
Don’t focus on what your partner is doing wrong, instead, focus on expressing your desires. Use “I” statements, such as “I like it when you touch me like this” or “I’d feel more comfortable waiting for that. ”[10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you find it difficult or embarrassing to talk about sex with your partner, do simultaneous free-writes and share your writing with each other, or turn off the lights and talk in the dark. Talking builds trust and intimacy. While it may seem hotter to cut to the chase, talking in the early stages of your relationship will help you avoid awkwardness and build the trust necessary to facilitate a healthy sex life. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for. Talk about it first.
Instead of saying, “I wish we’d have more sex” or “I wish we’d have different sex,” tell your partner how much you love being with them and how you want to work on building your intimacy with each other. Then discuss specific things you’d like to do together, or specific things you’d like to change. Don’t fake anything. This damages trust and intimacy in the relationship. Instead, make your desires known and be honest of what is and isn’t working. [12] X Research source
If menopause is changing your libido, say something. It’s better than your partner thinking you are uninterested. If you are experiencing erectile dysfunction, talk with your partner and your doctor. The condition is often easily treated and is nothing to be embarrassed about. [14] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Approach this discussion with a non-judgmental attitude and do not be afraid of shame; feel safe discussing sexuality with your partner.
The brain is your most sensitive sexual organ. Discussing fantasies doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to act them out in real life, but in a trusting and open relationship, discussing fantasies of all sorts can be an open door to explore your sexual side and keep your sex life fresh, spontaneous, and fun.
Emotionally connect through heart-filled conversation, sharing your feelings and practicing empathy. Intellectually connect by discussing a topic you both care about. Connect physically with your partner by sitting across from each other and staring into each other’s eyes. It may feel silly or you might start to feel vulnerable, but keep with it and maintain this intimacy until you are ready to move forward.
Plan one day each week that you commit to having sex with your partner. Throughout the day, build up the excitement and build the tension. Make it something you and your partner look forward to doing.
Feel comfortable enough with your partner to share your hopes, fears, dreams, and desires. Experience vulnerability by opening up and being accepted by your partner.
A therapist can help work through problems that may interfere with intimacy, such as past sexual abuse, emotional problems, and can help foster safe and positive attitudes toward sex. For more information, check out How to Find a Sex Therapist.
