Your attachment style is developed and molded repeatedly from many experiences and events that you are exposed to early on in your life. How a caregiver responded and nurtured you as a child can affect your attachment style. Any trauma you may have witnessed or experienced can also play a role. You may also have a predisposed biological, cognitive, or psychological condition that affects your attachment style. You can continue to work on your attachment style throughout your life. Even if you had an avoidant attachment style in childhood, you might acquire a secure style with your spouse, friend, or other people over time.

Other personality traits that may be associated with dismissive attachment are passive-aggressive and sarcastic behaviors. They may have a fear of being dependent on the other person because they perceive this as weak.

Other personality traits that may be associated with this attachment style are controlling behavior and difficulty conforming to rules, being argumentative, and impatience. Some people may be manipulative and plan out actions to get what they want out of the relationship. They also can exhibit a strong sense of creativity and charming qualities.

Other behavioral characteristics associated with a disorganized attachment style include a lack of empathy and remorse, selfishness, and a disregard for rules. These individuals are at a higher risk of substance abuse or dependence, abusing others, and criminal behavior.

People with secure attachments often had stable and loving upbringings. They had their needs met and lived in a nurturing environment. [1] X Research source

Those with anxious attachment styles grew up unsure of what kind of treatment they would receive from their parents. Sometimes they were met with love and care, while other times they would experience insensitivity and abandonment. As a result, they are constantly seeking the approval of others. [2] X Research source

People with avoidant attachment styles are often raised by parents who are insensitive to their children’s needs. They themselves are emotionally withdrawn and typically discourage their children from crying or showing emotion. They want their children to become independent as soon as possible and have little reaction when their child is upset or in need of nurturing.

Are you happy with yourself or do you have feelings of self-hatred? Do you value yourself or do you think you are worthless? You likely have a healthy attachment style if you have high self-esteem. Those with low self-esteem typically have unhealthy attachment styles. [3] X Research source

Do you stay calm in arguments or do you walk away and try to avoid the situation altogether? Do you scream, lash out, name call, and vow to “get even” during a fight? The answer to these questions can reveal your attachment style. [4] X Research source

Ask yourself if you are open to love and intimacy or if you shy away when someone wants to get close. Are you constantly worried your partner will leave you and do you become clingy early on in the relationship? Perhaps you enjoy being in a relationship and are completely secure in them. Whatever your answer is says a lot about your attachment style. [5] X Research source

Ask people who were around you during this time how the caregiver responded to your needs and if they were consistent in doing so. The type of interaction you received during those first two years paved the way for your attachment style. [7] X Research source

For instance, if your parent made you feel safe and secure, you likely have an attachment style that is healthy. If they made you feel unsafe or were inconsistent in their giving, you may have an attachment style that errs towards the unhealthy side. [8] X Research source

Treatment will allow you to fully explore your childhood and life experiences as related to any losses you may have had or exposure to trauma from abuse or neglect. Therapy may help you gain closure of past experiences, and develop healthy coping skills so you can improve your attachment style to one that is more secure.

For example, ask if you cried a lot when your parent left and how your behavior was when they came back. Did you stop crying when they returned, or did you push them away? Did you even notice when they left and came back? Their answers can shed some light on your style. [9] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source