Your friend may not be thinking clearly, however, they should be under the care of a doctor just in case they were exposed to any sexually transmitted diseases. If it is possible that your friend could have gotten pregnant during the attack, a doctor can help with a medication to decrease the likelihood of pregnancy and eventually, a pregnancy test. In some situations and in some states, laws may require a doctor to report suspected rape cases to the authorities; which could help keep your friend safe. Doctors will be able to assist with the collection of evidence including any evidence needed by the police if your friend should choose to pursue it themselves.
Provide your friend with the number of your local rape crisis center. You can even call there yourself for more advice and information on how you can help your friend. Find local support groups for survivors of crimes or survivors of rape or sexual assault. It may be very helpful eventually for your friend to be able to talk to others that understand what they are coping with. Find local counselors or psychologists that specialize in work with survivors of sexual assault. Offer to be a resource and help them with anything they might need while they heal. This will be especially helpful right after the occurrence, your friend may need someone to check in on a pet, or pick up a few things at the grocery store.
Make sure they understand that reporting does not mean they have to prosecute, but it does give them the opportunity to in the future if they change their mind. Offer to go with your friend as they report it to the authorities. If they don’t want to, let them know that you have to for their safety. Your friend may be afraid of retaliation or of threats they received, so you may have to tell someone for them. Understand that under-reporting is a common problem with only 344 out of 1,000 rapes reported to the police. [3] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
If your friend is living with, or in regular contact with the perpetrator you may need to help them find a safe place to be or to live for awhile. If they are okay and safe in their living situation, make sure they feel safe. They may still benefit from a verbal reminder that they are safe as well, or from having someone to go with them places if it makes them feel more comfortable.
Call to check in on them. Stop by their home for a visit. Try and be available to them if they want to talk or need your help.
Listening is helpful to a survivor whether the rape just occurred or whether it occurred years ago. It may be necessary for a survivor to tell their story to new friends or in new relationships, and listening in this way validates their courage in talking about it and their trust in you.
Never question whether or not it was rape. Never question them about what they were wearing. Never question them about why they were where they were or the situation they were in.
If you want to comfort them, ask “Can I hug you?” or “Would a hug help?” You will have a strong urge to physically comfort them or be close to them if they are upset or crying. Keep in mind that it is about what they need. If they are your girlfriend or boyfriend, never try to cheer them up with physical affection.
They may feel guilt or shame over the assault, or even blame themselves for what happened. A survivor may experience symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) including flashbacks, nightmares, mood swings, and difficulty concentrating. They may experience depression. Your friend may struggle with who to tell or how others are reacting to the assault. They may need help identifying, keeping track of, and avoiding their triggers.
If they say, “I shouldn’t have been alone with them,” just remind your friend that they trusted the person they were with and that trust was violated. If they say, “I shouldn’t have had so much to drink,” tell them that drinking or even being drunk is not a sign that it is okay to take advantage of someone. Tell them, “No matter what the circumstances were, this is not your fault. ”
If the rape did not occur recently, there may still be some situations or things that your friend feels very particular about. It will help their anxiety and sense of self for you to let them control certain aspects of their environment to make sure they are comfortable. Let them control who knows. Your friend confided in you because they trust you, respect that trust and allow them to control who they tell. Let them control what you guys do when you are hanging out together, especially where you go. It is the one way to ensure they are going to be comfortable. Let them decide when they are ready to participate in activities, everything from social activities to support groups or counseling.
For a short distraction, maybe offer to play a card game, watch a movie, or go get coffee or ice cream, if they are comfortable with it.
Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. You will need to recharge your batteries in order to keep up with your life and with helping your friend. Make sure you are taking breaks for yourself. Hopefully your friend has others supporting them, so that you all can share in the tasks and take breaks when you need to. If you are feeling emotional, start to notice you are having nightmares, or seem to be having similar symptoms to your friend, seek help from a counselor. You may be experiencing vicarious trauma.
