You should always try to use “I” statements during a discussion or argument, such as “I think you are wrong” or “I disagree with what you are saying. ” This will be more effective and assertive than using “you” or “they,” such as “You are wrong,” or, “They don’t know what they’re talking about. ” You should also use “I” statements when you are stating your opinion or your thoughts. For example, you may say, “I think it’s important to be honest with each other,” or, “I believe the client should come first. ”

You should also avoid wringing your hands, pulling on your clothing nervously, or picking at your face. Nervous ticks often as a sign of a lack of confidence. It may help to practice assertive body language in front of a mirror at home so you can get comfortable presenting yourself in this way. If you are around someone who seems to demonstrate assertive body language, you may study her and try to mimic her gestures.

If you feel your emotions are getting out of hand during a discussion at school or an argument at work, you may try excusing yourself and taking a timeout on your own. Letting your emotions settle and calming down alone can help you think about the issue and process it. Then, you can return to the discussion with a clear head and firm control of your emotions.

For example, perhaps you are trying to apply for insurance coverage for a family member who is ill. Insurance companies can be difficult to deal with and may end up turning your application down. Rather than accept their “no”, you may call them persistently or calmly refuse to leave their office until the matter is resolved or you speak to an authority figure who can help you. Do not yell, berate, or bully — instead, remain calm and be very clear about what you want, avoiding abusive language. It’s ok to stand your ground, but do not get inflamed over it.

For example, you may have a co-worker who asks your opinion on how to best serve a picky client. Rather than brush off his question, you should state your opinion and tell the co-worker how you would address the issue. Offer to work with your co-worker to make the client happy, using your assertive personality for something productive and helpful.

For example, maybe you get in a heated debate about abortion rights with a friend. Rather than back down on your stance, you may decide to stand your ground and defend your position. Though you and your friend may agree to disagree in the end, at least you will have stood your ground and made it clear how you feel about the issue.

You should try to keep your aggression in check so it does not turn into bullying. Though you may feel a momentary sense of power as a bully, it will ultimately only lead to resentment and anger from others. This resentment could then cause people to avoid you or oppose you.

Practicing active listening means not interrupting others when they are speaking and maintaining eye contact with the speaker. Once the speaker is done, you should repeat back what she said in your own words to show you were listening and paying attention. Then, you can respond to the speaker in a positive and open way.

For example, you may have an employee who is struggling with an illness in the family. You may then show empathy for the employee by approving his request for time off and checking in with the employee on a consistent basis to make sure he has everything he needs. Showing the employee compassion and empathy will show that you can be a considerate boss.

Make sure you are addressing the problem or issue at hand, not the person involved in the problem. Focusing on how you can problem solve the issue will avoid making anyone feel bad or placing the blame on someone. You should also work with others to try to mediate an issue so you are not dominating the conversation or being too aggressive towards others. Collaborating and listening to others will ensure the resolution is effective and satisfying for everyone involved. For example, maybe there is a conflict between two of your co-workers. Rather than punish both co-workers or blame them, you may sit down with them and have a mediation session. You may act confident and assertive but also listen and empathize with both employees to reach a resolution.