If the difference in age does present an issue, make a list to remind yourself of why you fell for this person in the first place.
This is also another chance to connect to your mate through sharing interests or learning new things about one another.
The first step is to acknowledge that you have prejudices. For example, maybe you think that older men only seek younger women to make them “trophy wives. ”[3] X Research source After you recognize your preconceived notions, challenge the irrationality of them by examining how untrue they are. Seek out examples that disprove your prejudices.
If you find yourself expecting more from him, remind yourself that those are your prejudices creeping in. Challenge them by telling yourself that he is just like any other man.
For example, many will ask how you met and assume that you were seeking an older wealthy man or he was seeking a younger trophy wife. Try to prepare responses to questions like this. For example, you can respond by saying, “What’s in his heart is more important than what’s in his wallet” or “I love the fact that he matches my confidence and my stability like no other man has been able to. ”[4] X Research source You can always respond to negativity by being patient, calm, and trying to explain your perspective to those who will listen. [5] X Research source You can also grow thick skin and learn to respond to negative responses by ignoring them and showering more love on your relationship.
Be clear about your intentions. If you are seeking a long-term relationship be clear about that from the beginning. If he realizes that you are looking for more than he’s willing to give, he may stop pursuing you and save you some time and energy. Be honest about the status of your relationship. Living in a condo in his name, driving a car he’s paid for, and going on shopping sprees with his credit card all sound great, but if he’s only coming by for sex, then the dynamic of your relationship needs to be reevaluated.
The first step is to determine if it is something you are willing to accept. If you said you never wanted children and he has a gaggle of them, you’ll have to reconsider your priorities. Realize that baggage can also be seen in a positive light. Think of it as a past, a commitment, or a lesson learned that has helped him grow into a better person. [6] X Research source
Pick and choose your events. For example, instead of inviting your mate to a double keg house party, try inviting him to a night of bar hopping instead. You can also learn to compromise or meet in the middle. Don’t avoid hanging out with your friends just because your mate doesn’t fit in. There are always ways to divide your time among them.
Before having a conversation with your mate, be honest with yourself and determine whether or not you are willing to stick with your mate through all of these changes. If you cannot see yourself accepting these lifestyle adjustments, then you may want to reconsider your relationship.
When you find yourself getting emotional, put yourself in his shoes. Being able to feel empathy will limit your need to be right and will instead strengthen your love. [9] X Research source For example, imagine you want to go out to a rock concert on a Tuesday night but he opts out due to work. Understand that he has different priorities and that he doesn’t love you any less because of his response. [10] X Research source
Sometimes just being there to listen is a big help. Give him time and space to speak and listen without judgment. Avoid false or empty reassurance such as “everything is going to be okay. ” Instead, offer genuine words of encouragement only if he is willing to hear them. [12] X Research source
For example, encourage him to take the guitar lessons he always wanted or tell him about a new venture you’re taking on. [13] X Research source
When disagreements do arise, remind yourself to walk in his shoes. Just as you would respect a foreigner’s culture, you should also learn to respect your mate’s opinions and experiences.
Learn to sit in your discomfort. Sometimes you will be angry, sad, or upset but instead of acting on your emotions, remember that your feelings are uncomfortable, not intolerable. [16] X Research source When you recognize your feelings, learn to talk yourself out of them. Say things like, “I don’t like this feeling but I can manage it” or “This is what happens to me when I’m bothered, but I can handle it. ” Once the initial emotion passes you can effectively communicate concerns with your mate.
