Timing is also important for impromptu conversations. Maybe you have been looking for a way to meet your new neighbor. You probably don’t want to strike up a conversation if they are entering the building soaked with rain, looking exhausted, and carrying a bag of take-out food. At this point, a simple, “Hi, how are you?” will suffice. You can save getting to know one another for a better time. If someone is making eye contact with you, it might be a good time to strike up a conversation. For instance, if you are browsing in a bookstore and the person next to you glances over frequently to see which book you are considering, try talking to them. You could say, “This one looks interesting. Do you like biographies?” If you want to talk to your husband about adopting a new puppy, make sure to approach him at a good time. If you know he’s not a morning person, don’t bring up the subject before he has had his coffee and a chance to wake up.
Try saying, “I love the coffee here. What’s your favorite roast?”. This shows that you are interested in talking and you are beginning the conversation in a completely natural way. Strike a positive tone. Offering a cheerful comment is usually more effective than saying something negative. You could say something like, “Isn’t this weather great? I love when it’s cool enough to wear sweaters. "
When you first learn someone’s name, repeat it in conversation. When someone says, “Hi, I’m Emily”, you should say, “It’s nice to meet you, Emily. " The immediate repetition will help you imprint the name in your memory.
Try saying something encouraging to a co-worker whom you would like to know better. You could offer a statement such as, “I really admire the way you delivered that presentation. Could you give me some tips on how to organize an effective pitch?” This type of statement not only starts the conversation on a positive note, but you are opening the door for follow-up.
Ask open-ended questions. Instead of saying, “It’s a nice day, isn’t it?” Say, “How are you planning to enjoy this beautiful weather?” The first example only requires a yes or no answer, which could be a dead end for the conversation. Ask questions that require more than 1 word. Ask questions that clarify what the other person is saying. If you are having a talk about rules with your teenager, try saying, “I hear you saying that you’re frustrated because you feel like you don’t have enough freedom. What can we do to find a solution that works for both of us?”
You can let someone know that you are listening by using positive body language. Make sure to make eye contact throughout the conversation. Also, try nodding or shaking your head at appropriate times. You can provide verbal cues to let someone know that you are engaged in the conversation. They can be as simple as “That’s interesting!” or more substantial, such as “I didn’t know that. Can you tell me more about what it physically feels like when you’re running a marathon?” Another way to indicate that you are actively listening is to restate some of the conversation. Try paraphrasing. For example, you can say, “How interesting that you are exploring some new volunteer opportunities. It sounds like you are really excited about trying something new. " Remember that active listening is about retaining and thinking about what the other person is saying. Instead of trying to formulate your response, focus on hearing what they are saying and absorb the information.
Maybe your neighbor has a college flag hanging outside of their house, and you’re curious about why. You could sincerely say, “I notice you have a Kansas flag outside your house. Are you a fan of college basketball?” This is an organic, genuine way to start a conversation. You can branch off into other topics once you get to know the person.
Maybe you are trying to relate to your new sister-in-law, but you are very different people. Try talking about a new television show you’ve seen or a book you’ve read. Maybe you’ll find that you have similar tastes. If all else fails, go for something that people typically like. For example, most people like good food. Ask what her favorite dinner is, and go from there.
Another technique is to be aware of what is happening in pop culture. Talking about the latest books, movies, and music is a great way to have fun chats with your friends, co-workers, or even the other travelers on your morning commute. [12] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020. Try to avoid bringing up controversial topics (politics, religion, etc. ) with people as this may lead to an argument rather than a conversation. [13] X Expert Source Lynda JeanCertified Image Consultant Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
Remember that eye contact doesn’t mean you should just stare at someone. Instead, try to maintain eye contact for 50% of the time when you are talking and 70% of the time when you are listening. You can use other non-verbal cues when participating in a conversation. Try nodding your head to show understanding, or smiling when a positive response is called for. Also remember never to just stand there as still as a statue during a conversation. Move your body around (not like a maniac, as this’ll be unexpected and cause the other person to have uncomfortable thoughts about you). Cross your legs if you have to, but also make sure your body stays moving in a way it’s interested in the conversation! Remember: your body is a more powerful form of communication than words!
Over-sharing happens a lot when you are nervous or especially eager to make a good impression. For example, if you are going to an important job interview, take a few deep, calming breaths before you enter the room. Also, take a moment to think about what you’re going to say before actually verbalizing your thoughts. You can also try slow-talk, which is when you speak at 1/3 of your normal speed. Evaluate your relationship with the other person. Before sharing information, ask yourself, “Is this the appropriate person to discuss this with?” For example, you probably don’t want to discuss your hemorrhoid flare-up with the person in line behind you at the coffee shop. They don’t need that information, and will likely be uncomfortable hearing about it. Keep in mind that it is okay to share personal information about yourself in small doses to get to know someone. You just don’t want to share everything about yourself at once. Try offering 1 or 2 new pieces of personal information per conversation as a way to practice vulnerability and deepen your relationship. It can be scary to share these personal things because you run the risk of being rejected or criticized, but it is essential for the relationship to grow. [15] X Research source
One way to do this would be to implement better dinner table talk. For example, if you live with a romantic partner, avoid watching tv while you eat. Instead, try to have an interesting conversation several times a week. Ask fun questions such as, “If you won the lottery, what would you do first?” These sorts of questions can help you connect and get to know one another better.
Perhaps you’ve noticed that your cubicle mate has several pictures of her cat on her desk. Try to ask her questions about her pet as a way to get to know her better. This will lead to more in-depth conversations down the road.
Remind yourself to smile before, during, and after your conversation to reap the benefits of smiling.
