It’s very common for kids to throw tantrums when they’re sleepy. A regularly-scheduled naptime can help prevent recurring tantrums if this seems to be the problem. When you’re out and about with your child, have a healthy snack available at all times, so they don’t end up throwing a tantrum out of hunger.
This is not to say that you need to give in to whatever your child wants. The point is simply to hear your child out in a respectful way, just as you would anyone else. Whether your child wants a new toy or doesn’t want to go to school, they should have the right to express that.
For example, if you’re in the grocery store and your child throws a tantrum because they want sugary cereal, remind them that they like oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, so there’s no need to buy cereal, too.
Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if they choose to get upset. Guide them to their room and firmly insist that they remain there until they calm down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.
Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold them firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.
Do not spank or yell at your child. Losing control of yourself in this way will only make your child feel confused and scared of you. It won’t lead to a healthy and trusting relationship. Modeling good ways to communicate and handle frustration within your relationship with your partner is also important. Avoid fighting in front of your child, or getting upset when you don’t get your way.
Avoid berating your child or saying “I’m so disappointed in you” when they throw a tantrum. Hug your child and say “I love you,” even if you’re very frustrated with their behavior.
Remain calm yourself to model good behavior for your child. Don’t use quiet time as a threat or punishment, but rather as a way to give your child space so they can calm down.
Don’t lock the child in a room. This can be dangerous and will be interpreted as a punishment.
It’s important not to treat your child as the enemy, even if you’re upset with them. Hug your child and speak lovingly even as you’re explaining that we can’t always get our way.
Observe the times when your child has tantrums, and see if you think the tantrums are connected to something in the environment. Take away the stimulant and see if that helps. Get professional advice if you’re having trouble figuring out what’s causing the tantrums.
Take your child to the doctor if tantrums are frequent or violent. If your child throws a tantrum multiple times a day, or if the tantrums are particularly violent and exhausting, it’s a good idea to have your child meet with a professional to find out if your child has a need that’s not being met. Violent, frequent tantrums may be a symptom of a developmental issue.
