You’ve probably caught yourself at some point, while watching the sun set over the ocean, seeing your kids giddily open Christmas presents, or experiencing some other joyful setting, thinking “I wish it could be like this forever. ” And yet, without changes, those situations could never have occurred. Change is inevitable and essential.
Some changes will be a challenge. You may change your job, or be forced to move far away. These are challenges to which you can either rise or fall. If you follow up your initial hesitancy with fear, you may become a nervous wreck. However, if you can move past your resistance and embrace change as a new adventure, you may end up happier and better off in the end.
Once you’ve determined precisely what you’re dealing with, you can develop coping strategies that are best suited to deal with the circumstances. Say, for instance, that your next door neighbors move away, and new people move in. If your relationship with the old neighbors was cordial, you may view the newcomers with trepidation, or even distrust. Viewed rationally, however, it is entirely possible that you’ll get along even better with the new neighbors; as Jim Reeves once sang, “A stranger is just a friend you do not know. "
The key to accepting change is to have an open mind and to accept everything as it presents itself. The change will occur, like it or not; you cannot control it. In the face of this change, however, you have the ability to shape your response in a positive manner.
Changes will happen. You will be (at least initially) resistant to these changes. You cannot control either the changes or your initial hesitancy. You can control your larger response to the changes. To do so requires your active participation. Realize that some changes are going to be very unexpected. Accept it as a new chapter in your life; as a fresh opportunity to gain knowledge or experience in some new area, or a chance to discover new people, new places and new skills.
Major life changes require a “psychological metamorphosis” on your part. And, like a butterfly, the transformation takes time. Try to visualize the stages of your metamorphosis and imagine the end of the process, when you have adjusted to the new circumstances. [8] X Research source
For instance, if your beloved pet dog has died, try not to obsess over asking yourself “When am I going to get over this?”. Instead, focus on small steps in your adjustment process: putting away the dish, leash, and chew toys; being able to pass the dog park without tearing up; and, eventually, feeling that urge to check out the puppies at the animal shelter.
For example, if your fiance has run off with someone else and left you shattered, don’t be surprised if your first few attempts to get back into the dating game end up as disasters. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you find yourself in tears, clutching a meaningful item from your relationship. So long as you are also making positive steps in your transition process, you can remind yourself that you’re doing just fine.
If you’re starting a new job, try to prioritize completing tasks that complement your existing skills (so you can feel good about doing them well), and allow you to build a rapport with your new co-workers. If you’re facing a serious illness, allow yourself to grieve for what has been lost (your independence, certain abilities, your long-term future, etc. ), and don’t discount the coping powers of a hearty laugh and a shoulder to cry on. If you’re moving to a new town, view it as an open-ended adventure — do research on your new home, plot out your “visit,” and talk to strangers for advice and tips on how to eat, play, and live like a “local. ”
You can also look for ways to feel more in control with the change that is coming your way. For example if you are moving to a new place, then research it as much as possible before you move to find out about the area. Look into little things like what stores are in your neighborhood, what activities are available, and other things that will help you to ease into your new environment.
For example, if you are feeling fearful about moving to a new city for your dream job, this is normal. However, the fear of the unknown should not prevent you from making this move. Try making a list of what you fear about the changes you are facing. Then, look over the list and determine if these fears are things that you can do something about. For example, if you are fearful of going to a new city because you think you will be lonely, then start looking into social opportunities, such as a special interest group. For example, you could join a running club if you enjoy running, a knitter’s circle if you like to knit, or a church if you are religious.
Remember that things could always be worse. Yes, your car has been repossessed, but at least you can still borrow your parents’ clunky Oldsmobile to get around. Sure, your boyfriend cheated on and dumped you, but at least he didn’t dare try to take the cat with him! Don’t focus solely on the “it could always be worse” element, however. Identify and be grateful for the genuinely good and helpful aspects of your life, regardless of any changes occurring. Things like your good health, awesome apartment, and always-cheerful Aunt Sylvia are worth your thoughts and your thanks.
Go for a meal at Grandma’s house. Re-read a favorite book, or leaf through your old baseball card collection. Spend a “sick day” together with your best friend since kindergarten.
Call or meet up with a friend or family member who you know is an attentive listener, and to whom you feel comfortable speaking with on personal matters. Say something like “I’ve been struggling a lot with the death of Spot / move to the city / changes at my office. Is it okay if I unburden myself on you for a few minutes?” You can make it an impromptu talk, but it may be more helpful to plan out a time in advance when you know you can converse without distractions or interruptions.
Symptoms of excessive stress can take many forms, from experiencing difficulty concentrating to having heart palpitations. Treatments for stress likewise take numerous forms, ranging from healthy living (via eating, sleeping, and exercising) to meditation to enjoying fun distractions. See Control Stress for a fuller discussion of the signs of and treatments for excessive stress.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and need immediate help, call or text an emergency mental health hotline (like 988), which is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (in the U. S. ). Or, call 911 or the equivalent emergency services number where you live. [18] X Research source
