Seeks out solitude. Introverts generally do just fine on their own. In many cases, they prefer to be alone, at least for most of the time. It isn’t that they’re afraid of other people; it’s just that they don’t feel as strong a need to be around others. [8] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Prefers less stimulation. This refers most often to social stimulation, but it can also refer to physical stimulation. For example, introverts actually produce more saliva in response to tasting something acidic than extroverts! Noise, crowds, and bright lights (i. e. , your typical nightclub) are not things introverts commonly enjoy. [9] X Research source Enjoys the company of a few people or quiet conversations. [10] X Research source Introverts may enjoy socializing, but they usually find even pleasant social interactions make them tired after a while, and may prefer deeper conversations instead of small talk. [11] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Introverts need to “recharge” on their own. Prefers to work alone. Introverts often do not enjoy working in groups. They would prefer to work things out on their own, or collaborate with just one or two people. [12] X Research source Enjoys routine and making plans. Strong introverts do not respond to novelty the same way extroverts do. Introverts may have a need for routine and predictability. [13] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source They may spend significant time planning or reflecting before taking any action, even small ones.
Seeks out social situations. Extroverts are usually happiest when they have a strong social network. [15] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source They experience socializing as “recharging” and may feel depleted or down if they don’t have social contact. [16] X Research source May enjoy sensory stimulation. People who are extroverts often have a different way of processing dopamine, which makes them excited or pleased when they encounter new and stimulating experiences. [17] X Research source May enjoy attention. Extroverts aren’t any more vain than anyone else, but they don’t usually mind it when people pay attention to them. Feels comfortable working in groups. Extroverts may not always prefer to work in groups, but they’re generally comfortable with it and it doesn’t make them uncomfortable. [18] X Research source Enjoys adventures, risks, and novelty. [19] X Research source Extroverts enjoy and seek out new experiences. They may get bored easily. They may also jump into an activity or experience too quickly. [20] X Research source
Several studies have linked dopamine function to extroversion. It appears that extroverts’ brains are more likely to respond – and respond strongly, with chemical “rewards” – when risks or adventures pay off. [22] X Research source [23] X Research source Extroverts are more likely to seek novelty and variation because of their dopamine function. One study showed that people with a specific gene that enhanced dopamine were more likely to be extroverted than people without that gene. [24] X Research source
16Personalities has a short, helpful personality test that’s free. In addition to telling you your “type”, it will help you understand some common strengths and weaknesses associated with your dominant traits. You can take the test at http://www. 16personalities. com/free-personality-test.
Research has shown that introversion and shyness have a very low correlation – i. e. , being shy doesn’t mean you don’t want to be around others, and not wanting (or needing) to be around others doesn’t mean you’re shy. Even extroverts can be shy! Shyness is a problem when you feel that it causes you anxiety or interferes with what you want to do. [27] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Support groups and self-acceptance training may help you overcome troublesome shyness. Wellesley College offers a free version of a shyness scale used in research here. The quiz calculates your shyness based on a series of questions such as:[28] X Research source Do you feel tense when you’re around others (especially people you don’t know well)? Do you want to go out with others? Do you feel afraid of being embarrassed or not knowing what to say? Do you feel more uncomfortable around members of the opposite sex? A score of above 49 on the Wellesley scale indicates that you are very shy, a score of 34-49 indicates that you are somewhat shy, and a score below 34 indicates that you are not very shy. [29] X Research source You can use this tool to assess whether you feel that you should work to become less shy. Remember that you can be both shy and introverted.
For example, many people do very well when they begin a new job. Because the new job is somewhat uncomfortable for them, they put in extra attentiveness and devotion to prove to themselves and their new boss that they can do the job. Finding your zone of optimal anxiety can be tricky; it involves self-monitoring to find the point at which the anxiety overwhelms the productivity. An example of stepping outside of your zone of optimal anxiety would be starting a new job without the training or qualifications required to do the job effectively. In this case, the anxiety about not performing effectively would likely overwhelm any potential for productivity.
Don’t push yourself too far, though – and take your time. Too much extension past your comfort zone creates more anxiety than is helpful, and your performance will plummet. Try to start small. For example, if you’re usually a quiet steak-and-potatoes-for-dinner person, jumping straight to eating still-beating cobra hearts in front of a crowd probably isn’t a good idea. Try a step that’s just slightly outside your comfort zone, such as going for sushi with a friend and trying a roll you’ve never had before.
Acknowledge that you may be uncomfortable with these challenges, especially at first. The point is not to immediately feel great about trying things that may be new to you. The point is to acknowledge to yourself that you’re up to learn new things.
This doesn’t mean you should drop everything and suddenly make an unplanned trip across the world (unless you want to, there’s nothing wrong with that). As with everything else, start small and familiarize yourself with small spontaneous actions. For example, swing by a coworker’s cubicle and ask if he/she wants to get lunch with you that day. Take your romantic partner out for dinner and a movie without planning where you will go or what you’ll see. Small actions like these will help you get more comfortable with spontaneity in safe, rewarding situations.
Speak to one person at a party. It may seem overwhelming to try to “work the room” like a strong extrovert might. Instead, plan to speak to one person. Introduce yourself by saying something like, “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m. . . ”[37] X Research source Look for the other “wallflowers. ” They may be introverted, or they may just be shy. Saying hi to them may be the beginning of a great friendship, but you won’t know until you try. [38] X Research source Embrace your vulnerability. If you’re uncomfortable approaching strangers, start off with that! Making a humorous comment about your nervousness – e. g. , “I never know how to break the ice at these things” – can help defuse tension and encourage the other person to engage with you. [39] X Research source Plan a few pieces of “chat”. Introverts generally like to plan ahead, so prepare a few conversation-starters for the next time you’re out. These don’t have to be corny or creepy. Try open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For example, “Tell me about what you do” or “What is your favorite thing to do around here?” People enjoy talking about themselves, and open-ended questions invite them to engage with you. [40] X Research source
Invite a few friends to a small get-together at your house. Invite each friend to bring a friend of theirs, preferably one you haven’t met before. This way, you’ll meet new people in a comfortable setting with people you already know. Expand online relationships and socializing into face-to-face socializing. If you use forums, for example, you could focus on local ones and search for opportunities to meet up offline. You won’t be meeting people who feel like total strangers that way. Remember, strong introverts are often easily overstimulated. [42] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source You won’t be able to get to know people if you’re also fighting a variety of distracting stimuli. Choose places and situations that are comfortable (or just slightly uncomfortable). You’re more likely to socialize when you feel comfortable.
Remember, you don’t have to speak to every person in a room to embrace your more extroverted traits.
Book clubs usually meet infrequently, such as once a week or once a month. Because of this, they can be good for introverts, who generally don’t want to socialize as often. If you don’t know where to find a book club, look online. Goodreads. com functions as an online book club, where people have discussions and share opinions. Goodreads also lists many local book clubs. Find a group that seems to mesh well with your interests.
Improv classes can also be helpful for introverts. Improv will teach you to think on your feet, develop flexibility, and say “yes” to new information and experiences. One of the key concepts of improv is to accept whatever is thrown at you and run with it – a skill that will definitely help you push past your introvert comfort zone. [47] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Social media can be a good way to practice making the first move in your relationships. Send a friend a friendly Tweet. Post a funny cat picture on your sibling’s Facebook wall. Initiating contact with other people, even in small ways, will help you embrace your extroverted side.
For example, an extrovert may really need to frequently socialize with others to feel fulfilled. Even though you’re trying to be more open and outgoing, you still may not want to socialize as much as your partner. Allowing your partner to go out on his or her own sometimes will let you stay home and recharge, so you’ll both be happy. You can ask your partner to invite you to social occasions. Even if you don’t necessarily feel thrilled to go, try to go out occasionally. Having someone you know and trust with you will help you feel more at ease.
For example, if you’re at a party with a friend, tell him or her “I’m having a great time!” You may naturally be more reserved or quiet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a complete mystery. Similarly, if you run out of gas at a social gathering before others – and you might – be clear about that too. You can say something like, “I really enjoyed myself, but I’m getting tired now. I’m going to head home. Thanks for a great time!” This way, others will know you had a good experience, but you can also stand up for your need to go home and recharge.
It’s unfortunately common for extroverts to stereotype introverts as “people haters” or “boring. ” It’s equally common for introverts to generalize all extroverts as “shallow” or “chaotic. ” Don’t feel as though you have to put down the “other side” to appreciate who you are. Each type of person has strengths and challenges. [55] X Research source
