Expound on things that you’ve learned about her through conversations with your girlfriend. Don’t forget to ask about what inspired her career, where she likes to go for travel, etc. Ask her what your girlfriend was like as a child. It’s a great conversation starter to break any initial tension. If you find yourself in the middle of awkward silence, ask basic getting-to-know-you questions like how long she’s been married, interests, or hobbies. Be genuinely interested in what she has to say. Resist the temptation to use conversation lulls as a window to mess with your phone. Texting, looking at your phone, playing a game, checking updates in different apps – all of these are considered rude practices in social gatherings. [2] X Research source
When trying to find the line between what’s too much PDA and what’s just enough, consider the things that make you considerate: open doors for her, pull out her chair for her, fix her plate for her, etc. If you are coming from out of town and are staying over at her mom’s house, continue to err on the side of respect and oblige to requests to stay in separate rooms or at a hotel if it’s asked of you. [4] X Research source However, succumb to requests that her mother might have if she wants you to stay at the house and allows you to stay in the room with your girlfriend. Let the mother set the tone for how you are to regard your girlfriend in intimate circumstances under her roof.
Talk about what you like to do, what you’re interested in doing, your ambitions, your career, your goals, etc. [6] X Research source If you can show your girlfriend’s mom that you’re independent enough to stand on your own two feet, it might make her feel more at ease. [7] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. Include your girlfriend in your conversation as well. Speak highly of her, talking about things like how the two of you met and what the two of you like doing together for fun. [8] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
Show your girlfriend how much you love her on a daily basis by giving her the attention she craves. Designate time to spend with your girlfriend at least once a week and talk to her in some form daily. Tell her she’s beautiful and compliment her on positive attributes and successes. Let her know that you love her as often as possible through words and through actions. [12] X Research source Keep in mind that it is the negative things that stick with people longer. If you do something unforgivable and it gets back to her mom through word of mouth, it will be hard to win back her mother’s affection. So treat her daughter right to live and lead a happy life.
Ask your girlfriend’s mom to get some lunch or coffee. Let her know you’d like a chance to get to know her better—little gestures like that can go a long way. [13] X Expert Source Erika KaplanMatchmaker Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
If you don’t want to do lengthy visits, drop off a cup of her favorite coffee or mention that you’re on your way to run an errand and just wanted to peak your head in for a bit to check in on her. If you feel like your efforts are being taken for granted, scale things back to a level that you’re comfortable with. Do things for the mother when your girlfriend makes requests specifically or make visits only when you and your girlfriend have plans to go there together. There’s no need to over exert yourself if your efforts are not proving to be fruitful.
Continue to be respectful so that the girlfriend doesn’t feel like she has to make a choice between you and her mother. As long as she views the mother as a problem in the both of you guys’ dynamic, your relationship will survive. Don’t feel pressured to feel that you have to keep a closed mouth if you feel disrespected by her mother. There is a way to confront someone older in a respectful matter. For example, say something like, “With all due respect, I don’t appreciate the way you speak about me to your daughter. I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that again. ”
Be prepared to ask questions of her life motivations, like what led her to a certain profession or what made her take the leap to move to a different city. Does she vacation somewhere for a solo travel journey every summer? Take mental notes of details your girlfriend reveals about that to delve more into those topics with questions later. Bringing subject matters up based on things you’ve heard your girlfriend say is a great indicator of your level of care and attention to detail in regards to the mother.
When coming up with an outfit, think business casual. It’s a happy medium between too formal and too informal. If you’re a guy, wear jeans, a button up, a blazer, and some nice dress shoes. If you’re a girl, you can wear a nice jumpsuit or a dress – skip the jeans. And don’t forget to go heavy on ironing. Make sure your grooming habits are on par with your styling. If you’re a guy, make an appointment to visit the barber, shave or trim your facial hair, spritz on some cologne. If you’re a girl, make an appointment with the salon, touch up your roots, get a trim, wear a nice fragrance, or wear some makeup if that’s your thing. Looking put together is another way to exude that you’re together in other areas of your life as well.
If her household isn’t one that puts a heavy weight on formalities, adapt accordingly, but always begin with the formal. If her mom insists on you calling her by her first name, then you can scale back. You always want to err on the side of being too polite than not polite enough. Practice having overall confidence in yourself to possess the demeanor that’s closest to the real you when you’re in her mother’s presence. When you’re sure of yourself, it gives others room to be sure about you too.
